Xem VanAdams in Review

Over the past year, especially within the past SIX months, I have been BLESSED and FAVORED in that God has given me the opportunity to use my Voice, as well as the Power of The Almighty Pen, to reach Thousands of Men and Women across the country and beyond. As the media blitz began with my first two, YouTube Videos, Young-Black & Gay in America[Parts 1&2], being placed on MediaTakeOut.com in summer of 2008, other media outlets have also featured my projects on their sites.

My assistant, the other day, told me to place my name into a Search Engine; a notion that I had NEVER so much as thought about in my time spent in Los Angeles. He showed me various posts that had been made about me, via the World Wide Web during this significant period of Growth and Maturation that has framed my Life. Until a few days ago, I had NO idea that some of my Videos and Articles had been shared so frequently. It is TRULY an AMAZING feeling, especially, when your Brothers and Sisters stand alongside you, also in support of your Mission and Struggle.

The Black, GLBT community can be a very Seedy and Scandalous venue of Forward Movement. Often times, Brothas will attempt to Wrip You into Shreds, BEFORE they will aid in uplifting your Energy and Spirit. Though Im SURE there are PLENTY of folks who Trash Me BEHIND Closed Doors, I am TRULY HONORED to know that there DOES xist a chosen few who are in 100% of Xem VanAdams.

Im taking this time to SHARE just a FEW of the World Wide Web Posts that have been Uncovered...

CLICK each Title to SEE The Postings that have been Made regarding Me and/or One of My Works.

CHUMA SPIRIT MAGAZINE [Online]

TOYA'S WORLD

LENZISM.COM

BEAUTIFUL STRANGER

NOAH SIFE

OUT MAGAZINE

CUPPA JOE

CONFESSIONS OF A BLACK, GAY MAN

LIVING OUT LOUD WITH DARIAN

BELUCHI LIFESTYLE

ANDRESFLAVA#1

ANDRESFLAVA#2

GETTING MYSELF TOGETHER

The J SPOT

GAMESFATHER

BREATHE-IMAGINE

TAGGED-DIAGO

DOUGAKENS

WALK 4 ME WEDNESDAYS#1

WALK 4 ME WEDNESDAYS#2

VEOH

XDTP.COM

Im looking forward to a very Prosperous and Promising 2009.

IF You Know Of OTHER Sites and/or Locations WHERE Xem VanAdams Videos and/or Articles have been Posted, PLEASE SHARE the URL in either the COMMENT section, or EMAIL the link DIRECTLY to XemVanAdams@YAHOO

We already know about NUBIAN 101 and DG SOURCE Postings, in Special Thanks to a few LOYAL Viewers.

He LOVES You, He LOVES You NOT

If I got paid $1.50 for every Email, MySpace Note, FaceBook Message and YouTube Post that I receive daily, in regards to the plight of RELATIONSHIP turmoil, Id be still making the $53,000.00 a year that once cushioned my Bank Account. I realize that its easier for me to speak about certain DOs and DONT's, ONLY because Ive endured them in the past. HOWEVER, I sometimes WONDER why it is that we, as human beings, cant SEE the REALITY of our circumstances and situations, UNTIL we're standing on the outside of them.

When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, theres NO NEED to convince him that he should no longer be conversing with his Ex, on a fairly regular basis. When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, you DONT have to Fuss and Fight over him having an ACTIVE account on Adam4Adam, Men 4 Now or the Infamous, BGC. He will AUTOMATICALLY DELETE the Shit for You. When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, he DOES NOT have Sex with other people during the one or two weeks that the two of you are 'Going Thru It', and 'Separated'. When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, he does NOT make you feel GUILTY for wanting to spend quality time with your Friends, Family, Co-Workers, Classmates or other Aquaintances. He just DOESNT.

When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, he provides you with the encouragement and motivation you NEED in order to advance your education, career or simple, mainstay in life. He does NOT criticize you for wanting to garner another degree, a new job, a new car, or new opportunities to frame the fruition of your future.

When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, he does NOT put his hands on you in a way to Hurt or Bother your Physical Body and Spirit. Instead, he does EVERYTHING in his POWER to protect you from Harm; DARING another man to ever raise a hand to you.

When a man LOVES YOU, he isnt ashamed or embarrassed to introduce you to his Close Friends and Family, especially those who are well-aware of his Sexuality, and past relationships.

When a man LOVES YOU, he honors you daily...not simply with frivolous Christmas, Valentine's and Birthday 'GIFTS'. When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, he would NEVER try to Talk To, Holla at, or Have Sex With One of your Friends, even during times of Anger and Disagreement.

When a man LOVES YOU, Truly, he is WILLING to put YOUR NEEDS before His Own, even when you WONT allow it. He stays in the damn house WITH YOU when you're sick, even when he has 'Plans' to Hang-Out with his Friends from Out of Town.

A MAN WHO LOVES YOU NEVER LEAVES YOU QUESTIONING THE VALIDITY OF HIS HEART.

Are You In a Relationship with a Man Who TRULY Loves You?

THINK about it....

NEW Video: FAGGOT.

Once again, with ALL of Your Unyielding means of LOVE and SUPPORT, I have reached yet another plateau in this journey.

As of yesterday, November 19, 2008, The Xem VanAdams YouTube Page, in care of
EMERALD EYE ENTERTAINMENT, reached our goal of 1,000 SUBSCRIBERS!

Initially, we set a Long Term Goal to reach 1,000 Subscribers by My February 17th BirthDay.

We've ACHIEVED this feat 3 Months Early.

THANKYOU for Standing AlongSide Me...

My Brothas and Sistas!

FAGGOT.

Last week, I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine, in Baltimore. For the sake of this posting, Im going to call him Jalyn. Jalyn is a Strict Top, and for the most part, exudes a Masculine, Alpha-Male Brovado. Over the past few years, I have engaged in conversations with him, where he describes for me the various young men who he has slept with and dated. The majority of the dudes he tends to date are rather effiminate. Accordingly, Ive witnessed his reaction to the behaviors of young men who possess feminine qualites and mannerisms; most of which are by nature, and not by force. Jalyn tends to be extremely abrasive in his verbal, disparaging commentary, regarding feminine dudes. Though he sleeps with them by night, he calls many of them Faggots and Sissies by day. Usually, I let the mud slide, but recently, I pulled him up on the issue. I said to him, 'Jalyn, You have a prejudice against soft, feminine men.' He paused for a moment and replied, 'Yea, I do.'

What has always bothered me about fairly Masculine Brothas who judge, criticize and chastize those who are Feminine, is the fact that it further divides the united stand of our community; a divide that exists along a plethora of lines and alignment. I am sometimes SHOCKED, even now, by the fact that dudes will allow these same young men to suck their dicks and swallow their nut, but publicly degrade them for their behaviors and mannerisms, alike.

In 2001, I dated a young man who lived in Washington, DC. He was two years older than me, at the time. I think he considered himself to be 'The Trade'; a young man who is able to give-off the physical prowess and brovado of a HeteroSexual male.
Spending time with him and his friends for four months, gave me an inside look at just how FEARFUL some Gay men are of the presense of other, flamboyant, Gay men. These feminine and flamboyant young men are a reminder of our attractions to the same sex. As a result, those who are not as in touch with their sexual identity, are fearful of those who are.

This level of FEAR and ANXIETY is one of the stems of the word, FAGGOT.

For the past seven years, I have steadily watched young men who naturally walk with a switch, speak with a lisp and appear with soft features, not only receive torment from the community, but also receive a great deal of ridicule from the Gay community itself. It frightens me, often times, to know that the effiminate males of our community can not even be promised refuge within the confines of our subcultured circle. We use the word FAGGOT so freely, not taking into account the fact that by doing so, we are empowering others to use it readily AGAINST us.

I FEAR the levels of FEAR that some of our Masculine Brothas Feel when in the Presence of Our Feminine Brothas.
Its that sense of FEAR that is responsible for the Deaths and Slayings of so Many of our Perished & Forgotten.

There are Brothas of the 'Trade Persuasion' who defend and honor those who are labeled as 'FAGGOTS'...'SISSIES' and 'PUNKS'

However, to the Ignorant Outside Community, Masculine or Feminine, we're ALL considered to be the Same;

Hence the Reason PROP 8 was Passed on Election Day.

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'

[Xem; August, 2007]

FINALE' Video: XemVanAdams [100,000 Viewers]

GOD has been so incredibly Bountiful in ALLOWING me to use My Voice, My Truth, My Talents and Convictions to SHARE with the WORLD. He has BLESSED me with this opportunity to reach 100,000 Viewers, as of this past Friday, November 7, 2008. I am HONORED and Ever-So-Grateful to be in a position where OTHER PEOPLE are ACTUALLY listening to My Opinions, Commentary and Critiques. I have WAITED for these Moments, My ENTIRE LIFE.

I have composed a Video Montage that CELEBRATES the partial journey to this Special Period for Me and the Community, alike.

I THANK ALL OF YOU, More than ANYTHING, for spending 10 minutes of your time, EVERY WEEK, in watching My YouTube Videos, Commenting On Them, and Leaving Messages in my Inbox; cause yall sure DONT BOTHER to COMMENT Here. LOL!...but...I KNOW you're on the Page EVERY SINGLE DAY because my counter shows 750-1000 lil Page Hits, everyday NOW!

I LOVE each of you for SUPPORTING ME.

PLEASE Continue to watch My Future Projects. SUBSCRIBE to My Youtube Page, PLEASE.

SHARE ME with Your Friends, Family, Co-Workers, Lovers, Classmates and Associates.

I am so HAPPY to be garnering so MANY NEW FEMALE Viewers Now. YAY!

All of The BEATIFUL Ladies are Showing Me a Plethora of LOVE...

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'

[Xem; August, 2007]

Truthfully Speaking...

So MANY of you have contacted me over the past few weeks, inquiring about why it is that I have not promoted the Noah's Arc: Jumping The Broom film, here on my site. Accordingly, there are quite a few of you who have sent messages asking me my opinion on the film, and whether or not Ive enjoyed it. To be 100% HONEST with All of you, I still have NOT seen the project. I am due to check it out, here in Los Angeles, tomorrow afternoon, alongside a producer associate of mine. He has gotten his hands on tickets, and Ive accepted the invitation.

I never, TRULY, Fell-In-Love with Noah's Arc. I really started watching the series during its second season, as it premiered spring/summer 2006. Still healing from a 2005 break-up during that period, I did, however, Fall-In-Love with the relationship between the characters of WADE and NOAH. There weren't many instances or situations that paralleled my four year relationship. HOWEVER, there did exist the raw essence of passion, unity and commitment that garnered my attention from several angles. I found a sense of comfort in watching the day to day struggles between the two characters; facing break ups, hardships, and a battle of their emotions. I could relate to the push-pull dynamic of the period of time that Noah and Wade spent seperated, meanwhile, dating other men. There was a familiarity to the circumstances of their relationship that truly pulled on the strings of my heart. I remember having to get in my car, every Wednesday night after watching the show, and driving for hours. I would listen to Van Hunt, Sade, Stevie Wonder, Smokey Robinson, Brandy and a slew of other artists, whose music had soundtracked a specific period of my life and broken relationship, as well.

In paying homage to writer/director, Patrick Ian Polk, for creating a project that paints media faces on the presense of Gay, Black men in contemporary, mainstream society, I commend him for being 'chosen' as the 'one' who would pioneer fictitious, Gay characters on a primetime network. In going further, it's a paramount accomplishment for any filmmaker to be granted an opportunity to bring his characters and stories to life via the Big, Silver Screen. Though the film has suffered at the hands of Homophobic, Racist attitudes from the 'Powers that Be', only being shown in FIVE theaters, in FIVE major, American cities, Patrick has been able to still pave the way for the next, innovative series.

My central ISSUE with Noah's Arc, as a television program that reflects the lives of Gay, Black men living in America, is its psuedo, 'GroundBreaking' label. I think we, as a community, have confused the term, 'GroundBreaking' with 'First'. The two, do NOT go Hand-and-Hand. There is very little that Noah's Arc presents in the form of plot structure, character development, or influence that has not been WhiteWashed by 'Other' screenwriters, directors or producers for the past 20 years. With extremely stereotypical characterizations of 'The Raging, Gay Slut', 'The MeloDramatic Kween', and 'The Fag Hag', to name a few, these SAME 'Types' have been projected on-screen for Years. There is nothing 'GroundBreaking' about a series that illustrates the lives of Four, Gay, Black friends, living in a prominent, West Hollywood community. There lives are more Comical than Problematic, as their Lifestyles aren't reflective of the core, Gay, Black Audience.

As a film school graduate and a student of Sociological standards regarding Race, Class, Gender and Sexuality, its CLEAR to me that television and film are often created to serve the Fanciful Escapades of its viewers. HOWEVER, when a BLACK Writer/Director/Producer is given an opportunity to use his/her voice to reach the masses, it become his/her RESPONSIBILITY to paint a portrait that is accurate and reflective of the sub-culture upon which the stories are based.

WHERE is the story about the young man who is ousted from his home and ostracized from his family for being Gay? WHERE is the story about the young man who trades Sex for Dollars so he can eat and afford to pay his monthly room rate in the downtown areas of LA/CHICAGO/NEW YORK/DC and ATLANTA? WHERE is the story about the couple who splits up for several months and one partner contracts HIV from one of his rebound pieces? WHERE are the stories regarding the Transsexual/Butch Queen Up-In-Drags who is undergoing a sexual identity disorder? WHERE are the stories that spotlight the Gay Men who hide behind the church and religion as a shield from their internal and external struggles?

These are the STORIES that NEED to be told, hence my NEXT, MAJOR project. The life of a Gay, Black Man, living in America, isnt always painted in Designer Clothes, Fancy Apartments, and surrounded by Supportive, Loving Friends. It MAY be the reality for 15% of our community, but what about the OTHER 85%? I have reached a point in my life, as well as in my career, where I am READY to continue using my Talents, Strength and creative ability to ignite CHANGE. There are ENOUGH 'Love Stories' in the world to keep audiences ENTERTAINED for hundreds of generations to come. There are not ENOUGH 'Realistic Stories' that display Pain, Hardship, Struggle, Sacrifice and Tribulation.

There are MANY layers of The Gay, Black Community and its TIME that we melt off the ICING and start digging through the molding CAKE that frames our existence.

Tops UP, Bottoms DOWN.

Tops UP-Bottoms DOWN

Commentary by

Xem VanAdams-Lumumba

Have you ever paid attention to the FACT that amongst the Gay community, MANY of us tend to Chastize, Ridicule and Label young, men who play the 'Bottom, Passive Role' as SLUTS, quicker and easier than we do the SAME young, promiscuous men who play the 'Top, Aggressive Role'?

As far as I am concerned, a Promiscuous man is a Promiscuous man, regardless of the Sexual Role that he plays in the bedroom, or car, or dimly lit park alongside Druid Hill, in Baltimore.

LP!-Laughing Profusely

[I Digress]

Ive noticed that many of my Male Friends and Associates alike, tend to judge the sexual behaviors of Bottom Boys, a lot more harshly than those who classify themselves as 'Strict Tops'. SERIOUSLY. I HATE to make this comparison, BUT it's almost as Negative and UnFair as the Freshman girl in High School who gains the reputation of being a WHORE for sleeping with the Senior Classmen, and yet, the Senior Classmen continue to garner Accolades, Praise and Machismo Browny points for FUCKING as many of the Freshman girls as he can before Graduation.

There's a Gay Blogger who has become INFAMOUS for his tales of being a 'STRICT TOP', who has conquered the likes of 'Bottom-Boys' across New York City and Beyond. I happen to LOVE his writing style, as well as his Blunt and Abrasive telling and recount of the 'MANY' young men who have stained and experienced pleasured pains beneath his sheets. I think many of his readers get a Thrill from his amusing tales of Catch and Conquer, for he's sharing them from the Point of View of a young man who is the Aggressor; hence, a reflection of societal acceptance of Masculinity and Sexual Prowess. He represents the Black, Male-Brute; whom many attribute a long line of more severe, negative Stereotypes, regarding the Black Male, Globally.

My FEAR, is that MANY of our young men of the community, are also adapting the notion that their Promiscuous behavior is Sexy, Appealing and Acceptable, for as long as they are acting as the Penetrator, as oppose to the Penetrated. The detriments in such a Thought Process, is the FACT that with this ideology, also stems the notion that the behavior is SAFE, and therefore, regarded in engagement, without the use of a Condom or any other form of Sexual Protection.

Meanwhile, the Young Men who PREFER to be Penetrated, are NOT given the same leverage and freedom, in feeling sanctioned, in their promiscuous behavior; moreso because of the passive role they play, beneath their mates. We JUDGE the 'BOTTOMS' in the Gay Community, as being inferior, in comparison to their 'TOP' counterparts. Even in 'PLAY', we will joke with our friends by saying such things as,

'Shut Up U Sloshy Bottom'...or 'Fuck U, U Lil Bottom Whore.'

The term BOTTOM is used in a Derogatory manner, as to create a clear margin of seperation between the varying Sexual roles of our community.

I think MANY of us are also STILL associating the 'TOP' as this extremely HyperMasculine, Man, whose Bravado and Style are a reflection of the Hip-Hop mainstream, and Urban Trademark of 'Acceptance'. Accordingly, we associate the 'BOTTOM' with extremely Effiminate qualities that are suppose to reflect a sense of Weakness and Passive-Submissive behaviors.

It has become abrasively OBVIOUS to Me that the younger generation of Gay, Black, Males arent as 'COMFORTABLE' in declaring their Sexual Role. Now, more than ever before, EVERYONE labels themselves as VERSATILE, or VERSATILE-TOP/VERSATILE-BOTTOM. Im wondering if the 14-24 generation even exists in relationships where they ALWAYS play the same role in the bedroom, alongside their Boyfriends/Lovers/Friends/Fucks. I wonder if dudes in High School and Early College STILL ask, 'Are You a Top, or Are You a Bottom?' Im ASSUMING that dudes just enter into their 'Situations' as Versatile 'Performers'.

LP!

I'm personally ANNOYED by dudes who claim to have NEVER been penetrated, and then go on to declare that they will NEVER allow themselves to be penetrated. For me, YES, I allowed my Ex-Boyfriend to penetrate me, because I Loved him. There were no real boundaries in our relationship. Though Ive never allowed anyone else to get that close to me, and I dont particularly enjoy the feeling, I DO Believe that each of us has the ability to be SUBMISSIVE to a man who we TRULY Love. I think its almost necessary in order to determine, which role is PREFERED. Though I have a Strong, fairly Aggressive personality, I DO BELIEVE that IF I fell 'In-Love' again, at some point in my life, I WOULD be Open to the idea of being Submissive to my man. In return, even IF he was an Old School 'STRICT-TOP', I do Xpect that he WOULD allow me to do MORE with his ASS than to simply grab hold of it during intercourse.

I have Friends who entered their relationships as 'The Bottom', and naturally, over time, wanted to Explore OTHER territory. Their man wont allow them to Eat His Ass or anything that even comes Close. For Me, I could NEVER be in a relationship with a Man who would NOT allow me to Eat His Ass. Its my FAVORITE treat. Id prefer that over ANYTHING else, sexually. Seriously. I can MUNCH for HOURS...Well, for an Hour.

Im AFRAID that the Men in our community who are declaring 'STRICT TOP' Status, are the ones who Privately THINK that they are PRIZED because their Ass/Hole has never been Touched. Its So RIDICULOUS how WE, GAY Men, place Titles and Labels on Every Damn Thing we Say, Do, Wear, Touch, See, Smell, Hear and Know...

Do You THINK and/or FEEL that BOTTOMS in our community or even the Label, 'BOTTOM' is Inferior in comparison to TOPS or the Label 'TOP'?

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]

SETTLING vs. CHOICE in GAY Relationships

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

LOVE Gone WRONG in Year ONE.

Why Does 1 Year seem like 10 in Gay Relationships?

'We've been Together for a Year.

Even though Im Sick of His Shit, I Love Him til Death'

"The minute you SETTLE for less than you deserve

you get even less than you SETTLE for"

**************************************************************

He Sits Home ALL Day on My Computer, while Im at Work.

I Let Him Drive My Car, even though He Picks Me Up Late.

...He NEVER Has Money to Fill Up the Gas Tank.

He does Not Cook or Clean the House while He's Home.

Oh, Yea...I Let Him Move In with Me by Month 3 of Us Being Together.

...He had NoWhere else to Go.

We Fight All of the Time. I Dont Want to Press Charges.

I Found him on Black Gay Chat and/or Adam4Adam.

He uses My WebCam while Im Asleep.

I Pay his Cell Phone Bill, Car Note and Insurance.

He's Very Affectionate, so I Know He DOES Love Me...RIGHT?

I DONT KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO.

I cant even begin to explain how often I hear these SAME, Pathetic Lines from MANY of my Brothas across the country. Most recently, I ran into my Ex-Boyfriend here in Los Angeles. He's the same Ex-Boyfriend I was involved with for Four years in Baltimore, between 2001 and 2005. As he and I have begun to build a Friendship, void of past hurt and previous pains, he has become 'Comfortable' sharing the details of his current relationship with Me. I listen, in support of his woes, ESPECIALLY because he doesnt have many friends here in California. He has always been an emotional Mess who depends upon the comforts and confines of a relationship, to solidify his levels of Peace and Happiness. I Love Him Dearly and think that he is an extremely Talented, Attractive and Nurturing individual. I just DONT seem to UNDERSTAND how in three years, he has only managed to 'Fall-in-Love' with dudes who Dont Work, Dont Go to School, Dont have Transportation, a Place to Live, and yet, have Criminal Backgrounds, and Little to Nothing, OVERALL, to bring to the Table...

People ask Me just about DAILY, Why I am 'Still-Single'. I quickly tell them ALL that at this point in my life, as I am in pursuit of fulfilling ALL of my career goals and aspirations, I am NOT going to ruin the sanctity of my Peace, by jumping head-first into a relationship, with a Dude whose 'Drama' is only going to disturb my Focus. Ive come too far, Mentally, Spiritually and Emotionally, in the past three years, to simply fall off path, NOW. IF I am going to Call Someone my Boyfriend, Lover, Man or Husband, he is going to HAVE to fill that Role to its Maximum Capacity.

Im NOT putting up with the BullShit that MANY of My Brothas CHOOSE TO.

My Ex-Boyfriend is dating a young man who is 25 years old. They met a year ago, here in Los Angeles. Lets call the Dude, EUGENE. EUGENE has a Firey Temper, that even his Best Friends WARNED my Ex about, within the first few weeks of them dating. Eugene and my Ex have been in SEVERAL Physical Altercations over the past Year, to the point of Police being called. Eugene does NOT have a job, and has not worked the ENTIRE time he and my Ex have been together. He DOES, however, take classes at a local Beauty School, so My ex tells Me. Eugene does NOT drive, has commited some level of Murder/Assault in the past, and LIED to My Ex in the very beginning, regarding his 'Have Status'. A 'Have Status', meaning, his Credentials.

Once he found out that My Ex is a Graphic Designer/Photographer, he LIED about his Career, Car, Apartment and Education Level. My Ex was VULNERABLE and Tired of being 'ALONE' here in California. Since Eugene fit the 'Short, Lite-Skin, PrettyBoy' prototype that attracts My Ex to any boy standing, Eugene was able to STICK AROUND, in spite of his Lies and Xaggerated Tales.

It's a Year Later. When my Ex and I were hanging out two weeks ago, he and Eugene were 'Broken-Up'. Eugene had packed his bags, hopped on an airplane, and went to visit family on the East Coast. Apparently, Eugene breaks up with My Ex once a month, for situations that include, My Ex not being able to answer the phone to talk to him while he's at work. Eugene will get pissed off if My Ex does not stay on the phone with him while My Ex is Home in Baltimore, around his Family or Friends, visiting. Eugene wants to Fight if My Ex questions him about his phone, Though, Eugene goes through My Ex's Text Messages and Voicemails, Daily. Yea...Like, Totally UnHealthy and Ridiculous, Right? My Ex recently bought a New Car, and Eugene was HEATED because he did not have a say in what Type of car My Ex purchased.

I REPEAT: Eugene does NOT Work or Contribute Financially to the Relationship, at all.

I Know My Ex is a Loving, Gentile Individual whose weakness is being able to be ALONE, without feeling LONELY. However, it TRULY Bothers Me to see him SETTLE for far LESS than he DESERVES. It IRRITATES ME to the High Heavens to watch ALL of My Brothas SETTLE for these Young, Misguided, Young Men who bring NOTHING to the table, aside from their Selfish Antics, Insecurities, Lies, Deception and Violent, Child-like Angst.

WHY are so MANY of YOU putting Up with it? I CANT, for the Life of Me, UNDERSTAND WHY yall arent just Dating One Another. WHY NOT Date on your Same Age and Maturity Level?

For Me, I DONT PERSONALLY CARE If a Dude has a Car or a Lot of Money.

HOWEVER, he SHOULD be able to buy ALL of his basic necessities (Deoderant, Soap, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Underwear), as well as be able to treat ME to dinner, skating, a drink, etc. every so often. IF he is in school, FULL-TIME, I Can Excuse him not having money, even though when I was in college, I saved my money, and didnt have to ask My Ex for ANYTHING...EVER.

IF You are waking up, EVERYDAY at 6am/7am, leaving out of the house to make a living, Your 'MAN'/House-Boy/BoyFriend, should be doing the SAME. IF He is NOT Working Full-Time, he NEEDS to be enrolled in some type of Training or Certification course. College Sucks Balls, and I HATED every day of the Six Years I spent going. College does not work out for everyone, BUT...Your 'Boo' should be receiving Classroom Skills, of some form, in some area of Interest.

ADULT MEN, in 90%-100% Health, should NOT be sitting home on the Computer All Day, ESPECIALLY when 50% of those hours arent being spent on Career Builders, CraigsList, and the other Job Search WebSites.

STOP giving your 'Boo' the PRIVILEGE of Driving YOUR Car while You're at Work. WHEN he CRASHES your ride, You already KNOW that he does NOT have the Money or Insurance coverage to pay for damages. Furthemore, he has NO Money to put GAS in your car, after he has Ripped and Run your Full-Tank to Empty by the End of the Day. YOU are the one having to pay all of his Speeding and Parking Tickets, for he could care LESS about your Car or your OTHER financial repsonsibilities.

...and IF his Ass was paying his Cell Phone Bill BEFORE He Met You, he can STILL pay the Fuckin Bill Now that Yall are Together. STOP feeling GUILTY and SCARED that you 'Wont Be Able to Contact Him' if his phone gets Cut-Off. TRUST ME...He is NOT going to allow himself to be 'Cut-Off' from being able to contact his Girlfriends via Phone and/or Text Message. The Bill Will be Paid WITHOUT Your Assistance...if NOTHING ELSE.

What tends to happen in Our Relationships, is a Detrimental Pattern of Weakness. However the ways in which the first 3 Months of a relationship is framed, pretty much dictates how the remainder of the relationship is going to foster. IF the grounds are shaky and faulty between month One and month Three; The HoneyMoon Period, I PROMISE YOU that the ENTIRE relationship is going to be Shaky as Well. NO...Things are NOT going to Change or Get Better once you start allowing your man to take Full-Advantage of You. Things NEVER Change or Get Better.

IF YOU ALLOW A MAN TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER IN THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP, HE WILL CONTINUE TO COMMIT THE CRIME THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

There is No Chance of Change or ReDirection, ESPECIALLY in GAY Relationships. PERIOD.

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]

Syrai's IntroSpective Interview: 'RAW. REAL. REFLECTIVE...'

Coming Soon: The Syrai VanAdams Project

Syrai Ocean & Xem VanAdams

November 2005-Present
COMING SOON:
The Syrai Ocean-VanAdams Project

Many of you have grown to know Syrai as one of my CLOSEST and DEAREST Male Friends, as well as being My Personal Assistant for the past 2 years. He has aided me in some of my most CHALLENGING moments between 2005 and Present Day, ESPECIALLY NOW, as I have had to make Xtra Time to take care of ALL of the business and affairs that are directly associated with this Blog and the HUGE LAUNCH of The Emerald Eye Entertainment YouTube Page. Syrai is one of my Trusted and Beloved ADAMS, and I will LOVE him until the END of Time; Eternally.

YESTERDAY, since Syrai is HERE in Los Angeles, California, aiding me in taking care of URGENT business that ALL of you will SOON discover; He and I shot some NEW VIDEO and PHOTOGRAPHIC Footage at MALIBU BEACH.

Syrai has spoken Candidly to my cameras about his Life and Times, living as a YOUNG, GAY, BLACK Man in AMERICA. The conversation and interview went XTREMELY WELL, and I am ever so XCITED to release the New Photos and Controversial Video to the Press, NEXT SUNDAY, September 21, 2008.

While this week will be spent DIGITIZING and EDITING the Content, I Want each of You to KNOW that The Photos and Video Footage WILL be Posted HERE, on My YouTube, as well as on MySpace.

THIS VIDEO IS DEFINITELY GOING TO BE THE INFLUENCE THAT ALL OF MY 14-21 Year Old Viewers have been ASKING ME FOR.

Its Raw. Its Honest. Its Sincere.

I Foresee 10,000 Views by October 20, 2008.

WAIT in ANTICIPATION...

ALL of these Photos of SYRAI have been PREVIOUSLY Released

SHOT-DIGITIZED and EDITED

by

XEM VanAdams-Lumumba

>between November 2005 and May 2008<

CONTACT Information for SYRAI Will be Posted with The OFFICIAL Release of his YOUNG, BLACK & GAY in AMERICA Photos & Video Footage.

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]

Gay Men Dating Dudes on the 'DL' [Drowned&Lost]

RePost: ASSUME The POSITION

HyperMasculinity vs. HomoSexuality
...amongst Fraternity Men...

Written by

Za.XEM.bi

Where is the Line______ Drawn?

We live in a day and time where Fraternities, both Black and White, have become, more than ever, a cess pool for a Testosterone filled climate of Sex, Exaggerated Aggression and a Sacred rite of passage that says, its ACCEPTABLE and HETEROSEXUAL to...

'Assume the Position'

BareBacked and Bottomed Up

Amongst the mainstream fraternities that exist upon college campuses across the country, its widely known that the outward presense of Gay men, within the physical structure of the fraternity groups, is still a taboo existence. I know, and you know as well, that Gay men exist within every structure and threshhold of American society; though, not every structure acknowledges the presense. Many pledges are often times ostracized and kicked off line if their Homosexuality or Masculinity is even questioned by their 'Big Brothers', at large. To become a member of mainstream fraternity structures, representing the American cut of Masculinity and a Machismo Bravado is almost given as the first rule of thumb.

NO FAGS ALLOWED is the underlying motto, scratched beneath the codes of conduct and belonging that celebrate CHARACTER-BUILDING, HONESTY, SERVITUDE, STRENGTH and BROTHERLY LOVE. Yeah Right...

Over the years, HAZING and other acts of passage which segway interested, pledges and young recruits into Full-Fledged members of these kindred groups, has become an unspoken and exposed practice of initiation. EVERYONE knows that Hazing plays a huge and significant role in the pledging process, especially amongst the Alpha-Male fraternities who pride themselves on strictly selecting the Best, Strongest and Brightest men. The rituals are rarely spoken of, publicly, as most of the daily, climatic escapades are designed to create a 'Bond' of Brotherhood; breaking one down from who they are, and building them into Who the 'Brotherhood' says they should be. Interesting enough, a lot of these practices have become public knowledge, as the result of years of incidents where students are killed, injured and/or humiliated beyond their own self-recognition.

Having never pledged a Fraternity during my college years, or ever being interested in following the memorized values and ideals that set Fraternity men on a pathway 'Greater than My Own', I can not attest to absolutely knowing what goes on behind closed doors.

HOWEVER...I find it quite interesting that in 'Assuming the Position' of being labeled as a Greek, Alpha-Male, a large part of the Hazing activities, tend to pair Male-beside-Male, in acts that constitute Grotesque, Homosexual behavior. In many photos that I have elected to NOT post, pledges are found imitating sodomy and fellatio upon themselves and pledge brothers, as well. In mimicking and mocking HomoErotic behaviors, its interesting to see how these young men are selling themselves to belong to groups which blatantly demonize the existence of Homosexual men, on all levels. I think that society tends to dismiss the Nude Play, Jerk Off Circles, Ass Paddling, and other Sexual activity within the confines of these All-Male groups as HYPERMASCULINE FUN. Instead of examining these activities as an outpour of sexual identity issues, and/or a display of pent up attraction towards the same sex, the acts are desaturated, as to excuse the behaviors.

In several readings that I've done over the past year or so, specifically geared towards the Homoerotic behaviors of Athletes, Military Men and Fraternity Boys, as they Celebrate Victories and Passage from one stage to the next, I discovered several findings. It seems to be more prevalent in the White community, that pledges or rookies aren't publicly ashamed to photograph themselves or videotape themselves in compromising positions with other men. I found numerous photographs and information regarding a Hazing ritual known as The Elephant Walk.
Pledges are aligned in a circle and forced to become erect. Each pledge grabs the erect penis of their line brother standing behind them, and sticks their thumb into the ass hole of their line brother who is standing in front of them. Collectively, the pledges march in a circle, and are not allowed to let go of either private area.
In comparison, Ive found many stories of pledges who have admitted to participating in Circle-Jerk sessions, where each pledge must nut/cum on 2 single slices of bread. The last pledge/recruit to nut/cum, is forced to sandwich the cum soaked slices of bread, and eat them, in full.

The famous Sambia tribe of New Guinea, maintains a ritual of passage, transforming Boys into Men, where the young boys are taken from their mothers, and forced to perform oral sex on the Men. As the boys swallow the semen of the men, it is believed that the semen will Masculinize the boys. WOW!
In this day and time, could the Obsessive consumption of Budweiser Beers, Vodka and various Protein Shakes, forced upon the pledges and recruits, be the substitution for Semen?

It's Very DIFFICULT, at least it has been for Me, to find Stories, Facts and Information in regards to whether or not the above stated practices are actually instituted in the Hazing practices of Black Fraternities. The Black and Latino community happens to be the most HOMOPHOBIC ethnic groups that presently exist in American culture. Though its NOT Hard to believe that Black Fraternities practice a lot of these same Disgusting, Male-on-Male passages, performed by White Fraternities, it is hard to believe that No one is coming forward with the information.

How far do 'HETEROSEXUAL' men have to explore, practicing and playing, sexually with other men, before we acknowledge the fact that the behavior is indicative of negated HomoSexual Desires, and Not simply a HyperMasculine string of Celebration and Fun....?

In DEFENSE of ISIS TSUNAMI on Americas Next Top Model

A Pre.View XCLUSIVE: September 20, 2008

I am FEATURED on LIVING OUT LOUD with DARIAN

Ladies and Gentlemen; Socialites and Celeb.u.Tantes, The 1st Part of My 2-Part Mini-Documentary;
'YOUNG, BLACK & GAY IN AMERICA', has been FEATURED Today, on the WebSite of one of the Most Prolific and Highly Recognized Writers/Activists/Critics and Thinkers of Our Black, Gay, Generation. His name is DARIAN, and I have been a follower of his work for the past 2 years. I was HONORED today, when a friend of mine Text to Tell Me that he saw my Doc Posted on Darians Infamous Site.

This is TRULY an HONOR!

CLICK HERE to View DARIANS Post about ME.

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

Listen to My Radio Interview!

CLICK HERE

XEM on ServeTheKids Radio

My Radio Interview BEGINS at 21 Minutes and 30 Seconds.

I was personally requested to Guest Star on ServeTheKids Radio, by Infamous Host and Founder, Tom Blumenthal. I was honored to fill the spot, for Tom was sent copies of Part 1 and Part 2 of my Documentary; YOUNG, BLACK & GAY IN AMERICA.

Toms Radio Program caters to ALL of the Young Men and Young Women of the Ballroom/House Scene. Tom was impressed with the Content and Visuals of my Project, and was Extremely Excited to have me speak to his listeners.

I am Sooo HONORED for this Opportunity.

None other than, CLAY CANE; Famous Black and Gay, Writer/Activist, called in during the final segment of my interview to CONGRATULATE Me, and to let me know that he had also been sent copies of my Mini-Documentary. I mention Clay in the 2nd Part of My Project; for he is one of the men whose work I have admired for the past THREE Years. Clay has written for Many Local and International Magazines and Periodicals, and is on the dawn of releasing his FIRST, Full-Fledged Novel.

http://www.claycane.blogspot.com/

This is such a SUPREME Moment in My Life Ladies and Gentlemen...

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]

Part2: Young, Black & GAY in America

Part1: Young, Black & GAY in America

The DL Chronicles

The DL Chronicles

KISS...But DONT Tell.

A Critical Review by

ZaXembi Ako.Sua

Actors

Terrell Tilford

and

Kareem Ferguson

Last night, I had the opportunity to meet Christopher V. Sergi, a 27 year old, Los Angeles based producer who has worked with everyone on the Circuit from Patrick Ian Polk and his Tall Black Skinny Boy Production company, to Maurice Jamal, the Writer and Director of Dirty Laundry and The Ski Trip. As Chris and I were discussing the current state of Black, Gay male characters, and their representation, or lack thereof, on mainstream, network television, we began discussing the soon to be released, NOAH'S ARC, feature film. The conversation quickly turned into a positive trade and sharing of theories, philosophies, and ideas regarding why the Black and Latino community do NOT support Gay oriented projects. Chris and I were able to make an exception for programming or projects that are geared towards the existence of this current, marketable 'Trend' regarding Black Men and the 'DL[Down-Low]' LifeStyle.
Filmmakers, Deondray Gossett and Quincy LeNear, partners of the past 11 years, have created a Made-for-Television series, The DL CHRONICLES, which delves into the lives of Black men; all stemming from various socioeconomic backgrounds, who are each dealing with internal and external factors regarding their sexuality. Forcing each of the four, central characters to lead lives of infidelity, fear, self detriment, disloyalty, self loathing and struggle, the dual and secret relationships that these men carry on, eventually create modes of silent hysteria.

As Ive been aware of the creation and existence of The DL CHRONICLES, for over a years time, I hadnt seen anything more than footage stills and character profile photographs. Last night, however, Christopher was gracious enough to allow me to hold his studio copy of the series. I took time this morning to preview all four of the first season episodes, highlighting the man vs. man, man vs. nature and man vs. himself plot lines for the central charcters of WES THOMAS, ROBERT, MARK and the local Thug, BOO. Each story is chronicled by an Up and Coming journalist, Chadwick Williams, who is writing his tales of men who have crossed his path and entered his life through the years. These chronicles are executed in episodes involving different characters, whose parallel lives do not necessarily intertwine.

Whats so intriguing about this project is the depths and artistry of each storyline, every shot, and the overall content of the varying episodes. The characters, though dealing with internal struggles and outward demons of despair, exude the confidence, strength and decorum that is seldom portrayed in the mainstream media of Black, Gay men. It's rare to find a showcase of this calibur, where the majority of the characters arent glossed and glitzed in spray gel, polish, tights, extensions, and an over-the-top, 'Sashay-Shaunte' attitude. I was very pleased to see male sexuality, portrayed on screen, in a less than grotesque, raunchy, offensive manner. Every sex scene was shot and filmed like moving portraiture; exposing the natural sensuality and connection between two men, who happen to be attracted to one another, and in love, as well.

Rahsaan Patterson, one of my favorite, underrated, Male R&B singers, contributes his vocals to the series' soundtrack; offering a mood melody that easily transcends one scene of chaos, to another scene of conviction. The dialogue is written and performed in an effortless manner; one that is easily enveloped by any audience who has ever experienced the feeling of being torn between themselves and society, or anyone who has ever known the feeling of fear paired against desire. I am extremely impressed with Deondray and Quincy's ability to create storylines that reflect the DL lifestyle on levels that extend beyond the conventional 'Thug Type'; prowling around for the next piece of Ass to beat open. The execution of these stories are reflective of a realistic phenomenon.

In one of the most emotional stories, Robert, a talent agent, falls in love with a young, health food store manager, 20 years his junior. Though their initial meeting, behind closed doors, was 'suppose' to result in a one night stand romp, at the request of the youngest man, the relationship takes a slower journey. This interaction leads to a union that grows into a special bond. Robert fights his love, as he battles with having to divulge his sexuality to his college aged daughter, Rhonda. Eventually, after realizing that Love is stronger than Lies, Robert is able to face the truth of his existence and his heart. With the strength of Rhonda's love for him, Robert makes the decision to stand proud, alongside his new Soulmate.
In another gripping plotline, one that aesthetically reminded me of two good friends in my life, Mark and Donte(above) are a couple who have maintained a strong commitment during the past three years. As the time has approached for Mark to fully commit to Donte by turning their fake, 'We're Roommates' bedroom, into a Study, Mark gets cold feet. As Donte becomes extremely excited about no longer having to pretend that his relationship with Mark isnt simply a homeboi-style situation, the couple is surprised by an unexpected house guest. Mark's wild, young, and irresponsible cousin, shows up at his front door, with nowhere to stay, and very little money to his name. Smashed between a rock and a hard place, as Mark relishes in the fact that he is looked upon and admired as the 'Golden Boy' of his family, he decides to not confess the truth of his three year relationship, with Donte. Instead, Mark asks Donte to continue their 'We're Roommates' routine; opening the book for a page turner of ironic, comedic events.

The men and creators of The DL CHRONICLES should be commended for their Dare-to-Do presentation of LIFE; which so happens to involve Gay, Black men, battling the demons of their present and past. I spent 2-Hours of my morning, engulfed in a visual movement. I know, more than ever, that there DOES exist a haven on American television, for a series that reflects the reality of Gay, Black men. Though we are considered to be a sub-culture, of the already Gay Minority, our stories, our struggles and our triumphs, are just as significant as those portayed in QUEER AS FOLK, DANTE'S COVE, WILL & GRACE, and the other series that showcase the relationships and lifestyles of Gay, White men. The DL CHRONICLES delves into places and situations that NOAH'S ARC almost reached. Its saddening that LOGO did not have the financing and/or good sense to continue another season of the groundbreaking series. However, with talent and exposition as refined and realistic as The DL CHRONICLES, there's hope for even more positive reflections....
Who Knows?...Maybe the Next One, which actually receives Mainstream, Crossover Support, will be Written and Directed by Me.

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'