Video RePost: HOMAGE [I Miss My Family and Friends...]

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My New Job [...already NEEDING a CockTail...]

Instead of responding to ALL of your Emails, Text Messages and IMs, Seperately, Ive decided to Post a MASS Reply to yalls Infamous New Question,

'XEM...How is the New Job?'

Today, all of the new employees of the West Hollywood office; Myself, Zo(The Indian Male), Dean (The White Male), Leah (The Latino Female), Alican and Ashley (The White Girls), Sarah and Esmerelda (The Mexican Females) andJayme (The Other 'Black'), had a meeting at the New Simi Valley office. The purpose of the meeting/training was to go over a lot of the new PECS Book protocals, PRT formats, Antecedent and Behavior Modules, etc.
...Basically...a LOT of Blah* Blah* Blah*...this 'Shit Dont Make a Difference' type of Nonsense.

So, as we are assigned to write detailed examples of the differences between Tantrums, Aggression, Anger, Fits, etc., we are also requested to read our short reports in front of the Entire group. Since, apparently, I was the only one who took the assignment Seriously, despite my feelings of despair, I was still writing when the presentations began. As a result, I was called upon to read my examples last. Fine.

After listening to Zo, Dean, Jayme, Leah, Alican, Ashley, Sarah and Esmerelda say the SAME, Basic Shit, Over and Over again, it was my turn. As I open my mouth to begin reading, Im thinking to myself, 'WHY Do I even WAISTE My Damn Time? I DONT Want to even be Here.' I THOUGHT about My Mother for a Second, and I Stopped thinking Negatively.

I read my examples in their entirety and look up at My Boss. As she is Smiling from ear to ear, she makes a joke in front of EVERYONE, that simply STAMPS into EXISTENCE and REALITY, Something that God has already revealed to Me.
My boss jokingly says, 'Xem...I Think You're in the Wrong Business.' She pauses and tilts her head...'You ought to be sitting at a Writers table at Universal Studios, instead of working for Us out here in Simi Valley. Hee Hee Hee.'

My throat notted up, cause She, nor anyone else who works for the company; with their Dreams of becoming Psychiatrists, Counseling Specialists, or Autism Spectrum Directors, has any CLUE that Im simply on the job as a temporary STOP on my way to that 'Writers table at Universal Studios', that my Boss joked about.

I LIED in my interview when she asked what my Long Term Career Goals included. I didnt want to say anything about my writing/film career, because she had already expressed to me how she was only looking to hire candidates who were looking for long term advancement with the company.

I CLEARLY NEED A COCKTAIL!

Im just arriving HOME, and have decided to make this post as a way of VENTING. Kiva is not here, for she was selected in her last casting to appear in Nas' New Video, which is shooting 2nite.

Meanwhile...

I really DO LIKE my Boss. She's just returning from her 4 Month Maternity leave, so she's very laidback, organized, friendly, supportive and overly extending of her office time. She has ordered lunch for me 2wice this week, and breakfast, once. Though she bores the living Hell out of me during presentations and supervisory meetings, I can tell that she's not going to get on my nerves and climb under my skin. Her entire motto is, 'Do as much as You can at Home, and make it look as if you did it all in the field and here at the office.' I can Dig that. Accordingly, Though Im not suppose to already be getting paid for my mileage time, seeing as how my client schedule doesnt begin until Monday, my boss is already covering my drive from home to Simi Valley, on a daily basis. She knows and understands my relocation 'Situation'.

I CANT honestly find too much WRONG about the Company or the Position, OTHER THAN THE FACT that Im use to scheduling my own clients over the past 3-4 years, and HERE, the company does the Scehduling for Us. I DONT ENJOY that, at all. I also DONT like the Fact that the Secretary does NOT process our reports or render our client sessions into the computer system. WE HAVE TO DO ALL OF THAT OURSELVES. I think thats totally Lame and Time Consuming. HOWEVER, after stumbling into a conversation that MAYBE I wasnt 'Suppose' to hear, Ive discovered that Im being paid MORE than Most of the Other New Team Members. HA*...which makes me feel kinda Special.

I Guess this ghig is IDEAL for someone who ENJOYS being a Therapeutic Behavioral Specialist, Full-Time; for Once-Upon-a-Time, I did as well. HOWEVER, knowing my Purpose for being Out here in California, it does feel a bit Stifling to be doing the SAME thing I did in Baltimore.

IM JUST RANTING, SO YALL DONT HAVE TO SEND ME MESSAGES ABOUT GOD HAVING A PLAN FOR ME, BECAUSE I KNOW. IT JUST FEELS GOOD TO COMPLAIN AND XPRESS MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

Accordingly, Im only staying with the company until I can stack enough money to buy All New Furniture, Appliances, Linens and Other Decore. Yall already KNOW that I left EVERYTHING to Nyasha, in My Owings Mills Apartment. She's inherited it ALL. Im starting from SCRATCH. So, yea...Ill just Suck-it-Up[The Job] until Im living Comfortably, again.

Im So HAPPY that Tomorrow is FRIDAY! I have a Slight Headache right Now, and I just want to lay down. I DONT have any MAJOR plans for the Weekend. However, I am having lunch with this Dude on Saturday. I have NOT been taking a LOT of Photos out Here, as I did in Baltimore; on a regular Basis. BUT...I am STILL going to release the Video of Me driving across country from the East Coast to the West. I KNOW that Yall are going to LOVE the Footage.

Have a SIN.Sational Weekend!

'Im Showered by Support and Drenched in Love'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]

The Myth of The Black Dick

The Age-Old Question still remains prevalent in our Contemporary, Modern Society...

Do Black Men have LARGER DICKS than those of White and Asian Men?

The scariest idea regarding the Myth and Stereotype that Black Men have Longer and Thicker Dicks than those of our counterparts, is the fact that the concept stems from a very Dark and Ugly place. Black men, for the most part, have always been looked upon, in American and European society as a Sexual Monster; a threat of sorts, unto white men, and 'Their' white women. Specifically, Black men have endured the backlash of being labeled as Primitive and driven by Animal instincts. These notions have led to a falsehood which reigns over the ego-driven position of men in our Westernized Society.

Phallus symbols, shaped and erected in the form of Penises stand as infamous statuettes and landmarks, amongst every major stomping ground of Power and Prestige in our country. Built between the walls of every national capital sight and locale of decision making reprise, buildings and monuments are built to represent the 'POWER' that erects in the Penis of men who hold Prestige above 'The People'. The Larger and more Grandeur the phallus symbol, the more important and significant the location and/or individual. Men and women, of every ethnic and socioeconomic group, place significant emphasis on the Length, Thickness and 'Power' that exists in the Penis. MOST of the attention is embedded from age-old teachings, fables, and daily acceptances, while many of them stem from a concious ideal of what is considered to be BIG and pleasing vs. Penises that are deemed to be Little and Useless.

As Black men, subconciously present a fear amongst white men, labeled The Barbarian Negro, they simultaneously ignite an interest amongst white women, as being labeled, a Sexual Mandigo Brute. However, as Black men have grown to accept the notion that their Penises are Larger and Thicker than those of men from other ethnic groups; Have we, as a race, begun to place our source of 'POWER' in our Bodies and Bedroom antics, as oppose to selling our 'POWER' as an existence of the Mind and Classroom/Boardroom Prowess?

Through various, scientific studies, it HAS been proven that there does exist a minute difference in the size of Black Mens Penises, in comparison to those of White and Asian men. The 1948 Kinsey report revealed that the genitals of Black Men were LARGER when unerected, though the difference is EQUALIZED when erected.

Accordingly, the average size of an adult, White Penis is 5.5-6 inches, as the average size of an adult, Black Penis is 6-6.5 inches. Hispanic men fall inbetween 5.8-6.3 inches, as Asian men tend to have smaller Penis sizes, measuring between 5.0-5.5 inches.

There is no correlation between the Physical build of a Mans Body, Hands or Feet and the Size, Length or Width, of his Penis. People tend to assume that because a man is tall, thick and /or muscular, his penis tends to be Larger than a man who is short, thin and/or slim in build.

I also wonder...

If Black Boys grow up, being taught that their Dicks are suppose to be Larger than those of their White, Asian and Hispanic Classmates, does he Not begin to feel even more inferior to them, IF during Gym class or other situations where he sees himself naked beside his peers, his Penis has not developed to be Longer or Thicker in width? How does this effect his Psyche as a young man, as well as the role he plays amongst the peer group?

We tend to Honor the 'Black Dick' Myth as a Praiseworthy phenomenon within our culture; especially within the mainstream media and commercial neighborhoods of our society. Its a bit Dangerous, for it further marginalizes the Success of Black Boys/Black Men as they interact with Black Women, and attempt to create Healthy, Sexual relationships in their Lives. Think about it.

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'~{Xem; August, 2007}~

Assume the Position.

HyperMasculinity vs. HomoSexuality

...amongst Fraternity Men...

Written by

ZaXEMbi Okechi Akosua Lumumba

Where is the Line______ Drawn?

We live in a day and time where Fraternities, both Black and White, have become, more than ever, a cess pool for a Testosterone filled climate of Sex, Exaggerated Aggression and a Sacred rite of passage that says, its ACCEPTABLE and HETEROSEXUAL to...

'Assume the Position'

BareBacked and Bottomed Up

Amongst the mainstream fraternities that exist upon college campuses across the country, its widely known that the outward presense of Gay men, within the physical structure of the fraternity groups, is still a taboo existence. I know, and you know as well, that Gay men exist within every structure and threshhold of American society; though, not every structure acknowledges the presense. Many pledges are often times ostracized and kicked off line if their Homosexuality or Masculinity is even questioned by their 'Big Brothers', at large. To become a member of mainstream fraternity structures, representing the American cut of Masculinity and a Machismo Bravado is almost given as the first rule of thumb.

NO FAGS ALLOWED is the underlying motto, scratched beneath the codes of conduct and belonging that celebrate CHARACTER-BUILDING, HONESTY, SERVITUDE, STRENGTH and BROTHERLY LOVE. Yeah Right...

Over the years, HAZING and other acts of passage which segway interested, pledges and young recruits into Full-Fledged members of these kindred groups, has become an unspoken and exposed practice of initiation. EVERYONE knows that Hazing plays a huge and significant role in the pledging process, especially amongst the Alpha-Male fraternities who pride themselves on strictly selecting the Best, Strongest and Brightest men. The rituals are rarely spoken of, publicly, as most of the daily, climatic escapades are designed to create a 'Bond' of Brotherhood; breaking one down from who they are, and building them into Who the 'Brotherhood' says they should be. Interesting enough, a lot of these practices have become public knowledge, as the result of years of incidents where students are killed, injured and/or humiliated beyond their own self-recognition.

Having never pledged a Fraternity during my college years, or ever being interested in following the memorized values and ideals that set Fraternity men on a pathway 'Greater than My Own', I can not attest to absolutely knowing what goes on behind closed doors.

HOWEVER...I find it quite interesting that in 'Assuming the Position' of being labeled as a Greek, Alpha-Male, a large part of the Hazing activities, tend to pair Male-beside-Male, in acts that constitute Grotesque, Homosexual behavior. In many photos that I have elected to NOT post, pledges are found imitating sodomy and fellatio upon themselves and pledge brothers, as well. In mimicking and mocking HomoErotic behaviors, its interesting to see how these young men are selling themselves to belong to groups which blatantly demonize the existence of Homosexual men, on all levels. I think that society tends to dismiss the Nude Play, Jerk Off Circles, Ass Paddling, and other Sexual activity within the confines of these All-Male groups as HYPERMASCULINE FUN. Instead of examining these activities as an outpour of sexual identity issues, and/or a display of pent up attraction towards the same sex, the acts are desaturated, as to excuse the behaviors.

In several readings that I've done over the past year or so, specifically geared towards the Homoerotic behaviors of Athletes, Military Men and Fraternity Boys, as they Celebrate Victories and Passage from one stage to the next, I discovered several findings. It seems to be more prevalent in the White community, that pledges or rookies aren't publicly ashamed to photograph themselves or videotape themselves in compromising positions with other men. I found numerous photographs and information regarding a Hazing ritual known as The Elephant Walk.

Pledges are aligned in a circle and forced to become erect. Each pledge grabs the erect penis of their line brother standing behind them, and sticks their thumb into the ass hole of their line brother who is standing in front of them. Collectively, the pledges march in a circle, and are not allowed to let go of either private area.

In comparison, Ive found many stories of pledges who have admitted to participating in Circle-Jerk sessions, where each pledge must nut/cum on 2 single slices of bread. The last pledge/recruit to nut/cum, is forced to sandwich the cum soaked slices of bread, and eat them, in full.

The famous Sambia tribe of New Guinea, maintains a ritual of passage, transforming Boys into Men, where the young boys are taken from their mothers, and forced to perform oral sex on the Men. As the boys swallow the semen of the men, it is believed that the semen will Masculinize the boys. WOW!

In this day and time, could the Obsessive consumption of Budweiser Beers, Vodka and various Protein Shakes, forced upon the pledges and recruits, be the substitution for Semen?

It's Very DIFFICULT, at least it has been for Me, to find Stories, Facts and Information in regards to whether or not the above stated practices are actually instituted in the Hazing practices of Black Fraternities. The Black and Latino community happens to be the most HOMOPHOBIC ethnic groups that presently exist in American culture. Though its NOT Hard to believe that Black Fraternities practice a lot of these same Disgusting, Male-on-Male passages, performed by White Fraternities, it is hard to believe that No one is coming forward with the information.

How far do 'HETEROSEXUAL' men have to explore, practicing and playing, sexually with other men, before we acknowledge the fact that the behavior is indicative of negated HomoSexual Desires, and Not simply a HyperMasculine string of Celebration and Fun....?

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'~{Xem; August, 2007}~

Out of My Element... [A Lil Anxious}

Its a Sunday morning, at 10:10am, here in Los Angeles, California.
I woke up maybe 45 minutes ago, and put some more Sun Burn Gel on my skin. My Cousin, Caprisa, suggested that I go to WalGreens or Target last night to purchase some anti-burn gel, with Aloe Vera in it. If you can IMAGINE how Terrible my body looks and feels, after I fell asleep at the damn pool yesterday, scorching underneath an 86degree sun, for 3 Hours. I had taken 2 Benadryl for my allergies, so lounging on the brown, deck chairs, listening to Vivian Green and Classic, New Edition tracks, forced me into a coma, of sorts.

Though I'll FINALLY get rid of the 3-tone pigment-scape that almost made me HATE taking my shirt off in daylight, Im still going to have to endure this burning pain for the next few days. It's irritating. It's annoying. It's Very UnAttractive. I am Literally ORANGE...Moreso than Usual.

Meanwhile, I cant help but to feel extremely frustrated, and a bit anxious at this point in time. Im battling with being here in Los Angeles; a stomping ground toward my professional, writing career, and these feelings and existence of instability. For the past three-four years, I have pretty much had my own car, my own place, my own money, my own, overall, independence. I am so very blessed to have Kiva in my life now, who has extended her place to me, until Im prepared to move into my own apartment, here in North Hollywood. HOWEVER, somehow, I still feel Uncomfortable. Kiva does EVERYTHING to make this relocation experience, more than cozy and inviting for me. I simply feel a sense of being out-of-control; for 1/2 of my belongings are here in Kiva's living room, as the other 1/2 are still packaged in my car. There's honestly NO POINT in me bringing my other belongings into Kiva's place, for the majority of it includes Winter clothes, my stereo, television, computer, bathroom decore from Maryland, and other non-essentials, at this moment in time. I dont want to complain and whine about my 'situation', for God opened this window of opportunity for me to have somewhere safe, clean and upscale of sorts, to rest my head. Im Thankful.

Just know that I am diagnosed with borderline means of OCD, so when situations in my life arent 100% organized, situated and structured, I tend to LOSE MY MIND!...I think this is what's plaguing my existence right NOW.

I was invited to dinner on Friday night. A friend of a friend, FRED, invited me to have dinner with him at this nice, lil restaurant called The Pink Pepper. Thursday morning, he asked me what type of food I liked, and I told him that I really enjoy Thai. As a result, he invited me to try this spot, located on North LaBrea, and I really ENJOYED it. Fred and I met for the first time, last Sunday night, a la, The Abbey. We didnt have the opportunity to actually talk and learn one another, for the music was blarring, I was dancing, he was drinking, and the overall environment was just so distracting.

Friday night was GREAT, however, because, he and I actually spent 3-hours, as the restaurant closed on us, [LP!], really sharing some of our interests, experiences and lil life stories. We had a great conversation about relationships, art, and our jobs working with children. Fred is planning a lil day trip for us to visit a Special Museum in Malibu; one that requires an appointment, nonetheless. Can u BELIEVE that?...an Appointment to walk through a Museum of Art. Interesting... Shit MUST be Visual Genius.

Accordingly, Ive been constantly sending my writing samples to various media positions that Ive found on MediaBistro.com, Craigslist, and other Job Posting sites. Though Im growing a bit anxious to begin my job, next Monday, the 23rd, I am HERE to WRITE. I am willing to do non-paid, freelance work for the next 6-7 months, as long as I know that the ultimate results lead to a Full-Time, paid position. Im going to continue my Therapeutic Behavioral Specialist position, long enough to purchase all NEW furniture, decore and appliances for my new place. Though Im an artist at Heart, I cant help the fact that I have grown accustomed to certain comfort levels in Life. I REFUSE to live out-of-my-car, or in an empty apartment, when Ive ALWAYS known what it is to sleep comfortably, most nights. I use to have that 'Starving-Artist' mentality, but I quickly grew out of it, as I got older and became more aware of balancing responsibility and passions. There IS room for BOTH.

So, Here I Stand, As I Am...still settling in. I CANT WAIT until Im actually in a position to Invite ALL of You out here to visit Me and to spend your Weekends with Me. I MISS EVERYONE, So MUCH! I didnt think Id feel this way...

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'~{Xem; August, 2007}~

RePost: Xem and Justin [The Dance Performance]

Xem and Justin [The Dance Performance]
Video sent by VisualArtist217

2000 Views on DailyMotion.Com

I Thank All of U, My Socialites and Celeb.u.Tantes So MUCH for the Love, Support and Laughter from this Video Post.

Theres a LOT More Coming from Me and The Visual and Editing Staff of Emerald Eye Entertainment.

This is gonna be a Great Summer People!

I Feel it in my Loins. LMAO*

Hit Me on MySpace and Leave Comments HERE after My Posts.

Lets Continue to Build SIN.Sational, Lasting Relationships...

The DL Chronicles

The DL Chronicles

KISS...But DONT Tell.

A Critical Review by

ZaXembi Ako.Sua

Actors

Terrell Tilford

and

Kareem Ferguson

Last night, I had the opportunity to meet Christopher V. Sergi, a 27 year old, Los Angeles based producer who has worked with everyone on the Circuit from Patrick Ian Polk and his Tall Black Skinny Boy Production company, to Maurice Jamal, the Writer and Director of Dirty Laundry and The Ski Trip. As Chris and I were discussing the current state of Black, Gay male characters, and their representation, or lack thereof, on mainstream, network television, we began discussing the soon to be released, NOAH'S ARC, feature film. The conversation quickly turned into a positive trade and sharing of theories, philosophies, and ideas regarding why the Black and Latino community do NOT support Gay oriented projects. Chris and I were able to make an exception for programming or projects that are geared towards the existence of this current, marketable 'Trend' regarding Black Men and the 'DL[Down-Low]' LifeStyle.
Filmmakers, Deondray Gossett and Quincy LeNear, partners of the past 11 years, have created a Made-for-Television series, The DL CHRONICLES, which delves into the lives of Black men; all stemming from various socioeconomic backgrounds, who are each dealing with internal and external factors regarding their sexuality. Forcing each of the four, central characters to lead lives of infidelity, fear, self detriment, disloyalty, self loathing and struggle, the dual and secret relationships that these men carry on, eventually create modes of silent hysteria.

As Ive been aware of the creation and existence of The DL CHRONICLES, for over a years time, I hadnt seen anything more than footage stills and character profile photographs. Last night, however, Christopher was gracious enough to allow me to hold his studio copy of the series. I took time this morning to preview all four of the first season episodes, highlighting the man vs. man, man vs. nature and man vs. himself plot lines for the central charcters of WES THOMAS, ROBERT, MARK and the local Thug, BOO. Each story is chronicled by an Up and Coming journalist, Chadwick Williams, who is writing his tales of men who have crossed his path and entered his life through the years. These chronicles are executed in episodes involving different characters, whose parallel lives do not necessarily intertwine.

Whats so intriguing about this project is the depths and artistry of each storyline, every shot, and the overall content of the varying episodes. The characters, though dealing with internal struggles and outward demons of despair, exude the confidence, strength and decorum that is seldom portrayed in the mainstream media of Black, Gay men. It's rare to find a showcase of this calibur, where the majority of the characters arent glossed and glitzed in spray gel, polish, tights, extensions, and an over-the-top, 'Sashay-Shaunte' attitude. I was very pleased to see male sexuality, portrayed on screen, in a less than grotesque, raunchy, offensive manner. Every sex scene was shot and filmed like moving portraiture; exposing the natural sensuality and connection between two men, who happen to be attracted to one another, and in love, as well.

Rahsaan Patterson, one of my favorite, underrated, Male R&B singers, contributes his vocals to the series' soundtrack; offering a mood melody that easily transcends one scene of chaos, to another scene of conviction. The dialogue is written and performed in an effortless manner; one that is easily enveloped by any audience who has ever experienced the feeling of being torn between themselves and society, or anyone who has ever known the feeling of fear paired against desire. I am extremely impressed with Deondray and Quincy's ability to create storylines that reflect the DL lifestyle on levels that extend beyond the conventional 'Thug Type'; prowling around for the next piece of Ass to beat open. The execution of these stories are reflective of a realistic phenomenon.

In one of the most emotional stories, Robert, a talent agent, falls in love with a young, health food store manager, 20 years his junior. Though their initial meeting, behind closed doors, was 'suppose' to result in a one night stand romp, at the request of the youngest man, the relationship takes a slower journey. This interaction leads to a union that grows into a special bond. Robert fights his love, as he battles with having to divulge his sexuality to his college aged daughter, Rhonda. Eventually, after realizing that Love is stronger than Lies, Robert is able to face the truth of his existence and his heart. With the strength of Rhonda's love for him, Robert makes the decision to stand proud, alongside his new Soulmate.
In another gripping plotline, one that aesthetically reminded me of two good friends in my life, Mark and Donte(above) are a couple who have maintained a strong commitment during the past three years. As the time has approached for Mark to fully commit to Donte by turning their fake, 'We're Roommates' bedroom, into a Study, Mark gets cold feet. As Donte becomes extremely excited about no longer having to pretend that his relationship with Mark isnt simply a homeboi-style situation, the couple is surprised by an unexpected house guest. Mark's wild, young, and irresponsible cousin, shows up at his front door, with nowhere to stay, and very little money to his name. Smashed between a rock and a hard place, as Mark relishes in the fact that he is looked upon and admired as the 'Golden Boy' of his family, he decides to not confess the truth of his three year relationship, with Donte. Instead, Mark asks Donte to continue their 'We're Roommates' routine; opening the book for a page turner of ironic, comedic events.

The men and creators of The DL CHRONICLES should be commended for their Dare-to-Do presentation of LIFE; which so happens to involve Gay, Black men, battling the demons of their present and past. I spent 2-Hours of my morning, engulfed in a visual movement. I know, more than ever, that there DOES exist a haven on American television, for a series that reflects the reality of Gay, Black men. Though we are considered to be a sub-culture, of the already Gay Minority, our stories, our struggles and our triumphs, are just as significant as those portayed in QUEER AS FOLK, DANTE'S COVE, WILL & GRACE, and the other series that showcase the relationships and lifestyles of Gay, White men. The DL CHRONICLES delves into places and situations that NOAH'S ARC almost reached. Its saddening that LOGO did not have the financing and/or good sense to continue another season of the groundbreaking series. However, with talent and exposition as refined and realistic as The DL CHRONICLES, there's hope for even more positive reflections....
Who Knows?...Maybe the Next One, which actually receives Mainstream, Crossover Support, will be Written and Directed by Me.

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'

Seeing Sounds...Hearing Images.

As I am preparing to visit The Infamous Beverly Center, here in Los Angeles, California, one of my first stops is going to be a visit to the Virgin MegaStore. I will be supporting N.E.R.D by purchasing this 3rd, studio LP effort, SEEING SOUNDS; a vivid compilation of a new genre in the mainstream music rhythmicphere. As Ive been listening to various tracks from N.E.R.D's new album, the Junior project of their 7 year career, as an eclectic group of All-Star Musicians, I cant help but to become extremely excited about the experimental mixtures of colorful, R&B melodies, contrasted with tones of Rock, Pop and Alternative beats. What Chad & Hugo are bringing to the spectrum of music, is a twist of chromatic genius, often unfound in other projects of this calibur.

The juxtaposition of Pharrels airy, ocean-waved, falsetto is mixed above the crashing, and sometimes, soothing sounds of songs that speak in echoes of the present clash of political, social and economic warfare in America. On my favorite track of the album, thus far, LOVE BOMBS, Pharrel so poignantly states, 'We've got enough Love Songs, We Need a Love Bomb'. N.E.R.D uses their ingenius, lyrical content, combined with their musical portraitures of perfection, to paint images of sound that are sure to transcend the comfort and discomfort levels of our present generation.

Given four years, since the March 2004 release of their last, Smash-Hit compilation, N.E.R.D creates a platform of artistry, illustrated through an array of tones and sound circumstances, easily shelved for its eclectic existence, and yet, easily enveloped for its innovation and experimental style. SEEING SOUNDS is an album that presents its existence in Red and Blue Strokes, sanctioned in a Mainstream Mess of Todays Top 40 Hits, strictly painted in Black or White.

I am extremely Impressed with what N.E.R.D has created for their Fans and CopyCats to follow. As I purchase this project today, adding its Songs to the Soundtrack of my new journey, here in California, Im going to relish in the Hope that a LOVE BOMB hits my being, protecting Me from any and all ills that have yet to be created to sabotage my ultimate Dreams.

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'~{Xem; August, 2007}~

A Cup of Opportunity. The Juice of Determination.

GAS for $4.67 a Gallon.
Bumper-2-Bumper traffic that seems to turn every 20 minute trip into a 2 hour excursion.
Improv Theaters and Independent PlayHouses on every corner of North HollyWood.
Fred Segal and John Varvatos Shops sanctioned between quainte, Ice Cream Parlors and chic, outdoor Cafe's; alongside every Boulevard that creates West HollyWood.
Daily weather of 82Degrees with No humidity, and Nightfalls that are warm enough to define summer, and yet cool enough to remember spring.
Dudes adorning Black Shades, Sports Coats and carrying Business Cards that label them as the CEO of their own 'Entertainment Company'; for everyone has a few in their wallets.
Middle aged women, driving their SUV's, in 6 inch, Designer heels, carrying Balenciaga bags in one hand, and a Starbucks cup filled with Espresso, in the other.

This is LA; the stomping grounds of young artistry, aesthetic dreams and the dark realities of homeless teenagers living in dangerous parks; a clear, physical division of our socioeconomic structure.


Though My Journey began 240 Hours ago, I have Technically only been here in Los Angeles for a total of SIX days now. Many of you didnt know that at the last minute, last Saturday, May 31, 2008, I CANCELED my flight, as well as my car shipping service with Nationwide Auto. I opted to drive across country instead. YES!

My ENTIRE family insisted upon me asking one of my Friends to travel the distance with me, but I was determined to begin this journey in my life, Free and By Myself; giving me the time and space I needed to place into perspective, all of my new Hopes, Plans, Ideas and Long Term Goals. So, with the soundtrack of my life blasting from the speakers, composed of everything from Lenny Kravitz', 'It Aint Over til its Over', to Madonna's, 'BorderLine', I made the Free.ing journey from one coast to the other.

I had my entire car maintenanced before I left Baltimore, with a Transmission flush, an oil change, brake inspection, new tires; the works. I was determined that I was NOT going to leave 50% of my belongings in Baltimore, just to be able to accomodate the silly rules and regulations that have been created by the air transportation system, here in the United States. I packed my lil 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt to its maximum capacity, with my clothes, shoes, television, stereo, VCR, DVD player computer, camera, cologne, towels, wash cloths, bathroom decore and other lil accents from my Owings Mills apartment. With the grace of God, along with prayers from my entire family, associates and lifelong friend circle, I made it to Los Angeles in 3 days; only having to stop twice, as to rest. Believe it or Not, driving across the country was one of the most invigorating experiences of my life! I took a lot of Photos and Video Footage of the excursion. Im going to edit it all into a mini-movie; complete with titles, graphics and other post production specialties. I'm going to share the experience with ALL of you, by posting the movie here at EMERALD EYE ENTERTAINMENT, as well as on My MySpace page.

Meanwhile, I arrived to a downtown, LA apartment that was in substandard condition; Unacceptable to my taste. The floors were tattered, the air conditioning was non-existent, the landlord wanted me to rent the refrigerator, and the tub was filled with Gook and Grime. The photos that were sent to me online, prior to my move, along with the attached ammenities that were promised with the apartment, did NOT measure up to my expectations, to say the least. Literally, I had to LAUGH at the possibility of spending the next 6 months to a year of my life, held up in what could have been described as the last minute set for a cheap motel scene, in my first film. I became extremely FRUSTRATED and OVERWHELMED. However, I knew that since God had allowed me to arrive to California, from Baltimore, with NO Problems, Accidents, or Break-Downs, he was also going to make me struggle a bit; proving that I have what it takes to survive Los Angeles.

After spending an ENTIRE day, riding around Downtown, Los Angeles, searching for a more acceptable spot to call home, I decided to escape. What MANY of you are learning about me, is that I command a certain level of ALONE, 'down-time' and peace. I cant be bombarded with a lot of chaos, confusion, and people, for hours upon hours, without moments of solace. As a result, I decided to rejuvinate my body with a beverage. I was beginning to feel exhausted, for the stress and anguish hadn't allowed my body to feel a strong sense of thirst or hunger, for hours. Heading towards 7'11, across the street from a VALERO Gas Station, where I filled my tank to its Capacity, I met HUNTER and KEVIN. Hunter and Kevin are two, young actors, who met on the streets of West Hollywood. They both moved to Los Angeles, two years ago; escaping the confines of their families expectations, as to pursue Silver-Screen careers in the industry. Standing outside of the 7'11, asking strangers to spare change, I had to stop and ask the two of them WHY, at such a young age, were they homeless. Intrigued by their stories of being actors who had to work part-time, in order to make casting calls a minimum of 3 days per week, I began to share with them how I had been in LA for a matter of hours; all in hopes of creating a professional, writing career for myself. We exchanged numbers, before I ran to the corner of 7'11 to piss, and before they ran to the corner to jump into the oldsmobile of a friend who honked for their attention.

As I zippened my pants, walked towards my car, and sat in my drivers seat, practically swallowed by the bags, blankets and empty water bottles that crowded my car, I had to thank God. Here I was, feeling stressed and overhwhelmed by a situation that still, he was in control of. While I thought my situation was the worst of all time, God sent me to that 7'11 to meet Hunter and Kevin as a reminder that even when times seem tough for me, someone else in the world is dealing with even tougher situations and circumstances. We are all in route to fulfilling a destiny, and for those of us who have chosen an abnormal path to follow, the struggle is a little more strenuous. I accept it.

So, I put my key in the ignition, and drove off; headed towards the highway. I wanted to get as far away from the city as possible. I had NO idea where I was traveling to, but I knew that I needed some quiet time. Both of my phones had died, and I could no longer send or receive text messages from my family, who were all still checking on me every few hours.

After nearly being rundown by two, speeding motorcycles and a Uhaul moving truck, I found a sign that pointed to the direction of the Santa Monica beach. PERFECT! I followed the exits, as the sun began to set, and found my way to a pier parking arena. I squeezed my lil cobalt into a rear parking space, behind a community of Villas and Cabanas, and immediately took off my shoes and socks. Stepping out of the car, and into my first moment of calm, the entire day, I actually felt comfortable. I felt no worries. I wasnt thinking about finding another place to live. I wasnt thinking about the fact that I hadnt eaten all day. I was HAPPY to have found a place where I could open my mind to the possibility of continuing my life in a place that would provide a cup of opportunity, for me to pour all of my creative juices. I was HERE in LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA...

Walking along Santa Monica beach for the first time in my life, surrounded by the soothing sounds of the ocean splashing along the shore, and couples cuddling upon the sands, I knew that I was going to be okay.

The next few days felt promising. I spent the night in a Holiday Inn Hotel, which gave me an opportunity to charge my phones, rest, shave and shower away any lasting feelings of failure or discomfort. I received a call from Shannon, almost immediately after I had awakened. I was shaving when the call came through, so I didnt initially hear it. I ALWAYS keep my phones on vibrate, for I Cant Stand the sound of a ringing phone. Under most circumstances, I only ever text once Ive missed a call. However, during my journey from Baltimore to California, I promised myself that I was going to spend more of my time, making actual phone calls. Talking to Shannon that morning, one of my best friends for the past 22 years, I felt so safe, supported and rejuvinated. I stopped being so prideful, and followed Shannon's advice. I had quite a few contacts here in los Angeles, as far as Friends of Friends who were willing to help me. I knew that I could not, successfully, make this transition alone. Putting everything into plan, I asked the hotel's front desk attendant for a late check-out. Though he couldnt grant the late check-out, for the hotel was booked, and all of the rooms needed to be cleaned for the 3pm Check-Ins, I rushed to complete my daily, morning routine. Putting on my favorite, army fatigue, cargo pants, a white t-shirt, brown flip flops, and my favorite, brown, American Eagle, rope necklace, I collected all of my belongings and headed towards the underground parking lot of the hotel. At this point, every weight that had been sitting on my shoulders, was lifted. I still didnt know where I was going to live or stay, but it no longer mattered. I packaged my things back into my car, went to the front desk to check out, grabbed some apple juice and a bagel from the complimetary breakfast platter, and hit it.

Riding back down Santa Monica Boulevard, with the sun beaming onto my dusty car, peering through my disgusting windows that had been smeared with bug guts from my East2West Coast Road Trip, I headed back towards the beach. I found Everyones phone number that had been given to me before I left Baltimore, and I decided to finally ask for help. Chrissy had given me Kiva's phone number, as Kiva and I had been talking and communicating on MySpace for weeks prior to my move. Kiva lives in the NoHo Arts District of North hollyWood, and had offered to allow me to stay with her, BEFORE I had even begun my apartment search or booked my airplane ticket. I didnt know how serious she was in regards to the offer, but her Friendship and Promise was proven when she automatically, without hesitation, said, 'Of Course You can stay with me Xem! I expected you to come here when you first arrived.' This was All Gods work. The night before, GOD told me to STOP worrying. He told me to rest my thoughts, let go of the wheel for a lil while, and to allow him to steer me. Im NOT Making this Up. My Faith in God has increased drastically over the past 2 years, so I knew that by following his call, I was making the best decision.

Ive been here at Kiva's BEAUTIFUL apartment, ever since, and she has done nothing but make this transition as easy and progressive, and as comfortable, as possible. It feels WONDERFUL. Its a BIG deal when someone opens their home and invites others in to live. I know how Wonderful it feels to have my own space and my own sense of physical peace. To allow someone else to come in and share in that, isnt an easy decision to make. I am here, temporarily, until I can either find an apartment in this complex thats affordable and available for me to move into, or an apartment in these surrounding areas that makes me feel comfortable. I LOVE North HollyWood; for it reminds me of the Towson and Owings Mills areas of Baltimore. The Only other area that, as of right now, I would consider moving into, is Santa Monica. Kiva wants me to see Pasadena, Burbank, Culver City and other lil areas of Los Angeles before making a final decision.

I have NOT begun my job, as of yet. My start date has been pushed back, for Faye(My Boss), wants me to begin at the new, North Hollywood offices. Shes taking me to lunch this week to layout a few details of my new position. In the meantime, I have been submitting my artist resume and writing samples to various, freelance, writing jobs. I become very anxious and antsy when Im not being creative or productive. The results of that anxious behavior have often led to me making random, semi-regretful decisions. So, instead, Im going to continue to pray, walk around, as to become use to my surroundings, and network with other goal oriented individuals. I have maintained very regular conversation with those who truly Love and Care for me, so I never feel Lonely, or even Alone.

I DO MISS MY MOTHER...for I can tell that She and I arent near one another. We didnt see one another on a daily basis while I was in Baltimore. However, I can TRULY tell that we arent in the same physical environment. Its Weird to Xplain...She feels the Xact SAME.

Meanwhile, I made my DEBUT on the Los Angeles Circuit last night. I attended the Infamous, 'ABBEY' NightSpot, located in West HollyWood. Ive been to just about every Major Gay Bar and Club on the East Coast between 2001 and 2007. So...partying alongside the Gays of Los Angeles wasnt the slightest bit New or Unfamiliar. The territory felt the same as anywhere else Ive danced and sipped cocktails, listening to the BoomBastic rhythms and sounds of Britney, BeYonce and Justin, remixed underneath Techno and House beats. I met quite a few young men, who all had some type of business card that they wanted to shove in my hand. LMAO* I havent had the opportunity to call any of them, as of yet, but I definitely intend to. Im VERY HUNGRY right now, and Im hoping that one of them will invite me to lunch. LOL*

By The Way...

I Finally had the Privelege of meeting LoveBScott last night. He was standing on one of the stages, in front of the outside bars, sipping a cocktail, as I stepped out of the inside area of 'The Abbey' to catch a breath of Fresh Freakn Air. We made eye contact, and he started smiling. I stepped up on stage with him, and we talked for a good 10 minutes about his Website, my Website, and the Demons that exist in Hollywood. I asked him WHY he didnt make his scheduled appearances at either Miami or DC Pride, and he explained to me just how unprofessional and disorganized a lot of the Pride Event Staffers and Promoters, truly are. Like me, LoveBScott dont put up with No BullShit!

This is My Life in Los Angeles, thus far, a Creative Journey towards SuperStardom and Career Satisfaction. With Prayer, Love, Support and Determination in my Corner, it wont be long before Ive eased my way into the Center.