Tops UP, Bottoms DOWN.

Tops UP-Bottoms DOWN

Commentary by

Xem VanAdams-Lumumba

Have you ever paid attention to the FACT that amongst the Gay community, MANY of us tend to Chastize, Ridicule and Label young, men who play the 'Bottom, Passive Role' as SLUTS, quicker and easier than we do the SAME young, promiscuous men who play the 'Top, Aggressive Role'?

As far as I am concerned, a Promiscuous man is a Promiscuous man, regardless of the Sexual Role that he plays in the bedroom, or car, or dimly lit park alongside Druid Hill, in Baltimore.

LP!-Laughing Profusely

[I Digress]

Ive noticed that many of my Male Friends and Associates alike, tend to judge the sexual behaviors of Bottom Boys, a lot more harshly than those who classify themselves as 'Strict Tops'. SERIOUSLY. I HATE to make this comparison, BUT it's almost as Negative and UnFair as the Freshman girl in High School who gains the reputation of being a WHORE for sleeping with the Senior Classmen, and yet, the Senior Classmen continue to garner Accolades, Praise and Machismo Browny points for FUCKING as many of the Freshman girls as he can before Graduation.

There's a Gay Blogger who has become INFAMOUS for his tales of being a 'STRICT TOP', who has conquered the likes of 'Bottom-Boys' across New York City and Beyond. I happen to LOVE his writing style, as well as his Blunt and Abrasive telling and recount of the 'MANY' young men who have stained and experienced pleasured pains beneath his sheets. I think many of his readers get a Thrill from his amusing tales of Catch and Conquer, for he's sharing them from the Point of View of a young man who is the Aggressor; hence, a reflection of societal acceptance of Masculinity and Sexual Prowess. He represents the Black, Male-Brute; whom many attribute a long line of more severe, negative Stereotypes, regarding the Black Male, Globally.

My FEAR, is that MANY of our young men of the community, are also adapting the notion that their Promiscuous behavior is Sexy, Appealing and Acceptable, for as long as they are acting as the Penetrator, as oppose to the Penetrated. The detriments in such a Thought Process, is the FACT that with this ideology, also stems the notion that the behavior is SAFE, and therefore, regarded in engagement, without the use of a Condom or any other form of Sexual Protection.

Meanwhile, the Young Men who PREFER to be Penetrated, are NOT given the same leverage and freedom, in feeling sanctioned, in their promiscuous behavior; moreso because of the passive role they play, beneath their mates. We JUDGE the 'BOTTOMS' in the Gay Community, as being inferior, in comparison to their 'TOP' counterparts. Even in 'PLAY', we will joke with our friends by saying such things as,

'Shut Up U Sloshy Bottom'...or 'Fuck U, U Lil Bottom Whore.'

The term BOTTOM is used in a Derogatory manner, as to create a clear margin of seperation between the varying Sexual roles of our community.

I think MANY of us are also STILL associating the 'TOP' as this extremely HyperMasculine, Man, whose Bravado and Style are a reflection of the Hip-Hop mainstream, and Urban Trademark of 'Acceptance'. Accordingly, we associate the 'BOTTOM' with extremely Effiminate qualities that are suppose to reflect a sense of Weakness and Passive-Submissive behaviors.

It has become abrasively OBVIOUS to Me that the younger generation of Gay, Black, Males arent as 'COMFORTABLE' in declaring their Sexual Role. Now, more than ever before, EVERYONE labels themselves as VERSATILE, or VERSATILE-TOP/VERSATILE-BOTTOM. Im wondering if the 14-24 generation even exists in relationships where they ALWAYS play the same role in the bedroom, alongside their Boyfriends/Lovers/Friends/Fucks. I wonder if dudes in High School and Early College STILL ask, 'Are You a Top, or Are You a Bottom?' Im ASSUMING that dudes just enter into their 'Situations' as Versatile 'Performers'.

LP!

I'm personally ANNOYED by dudes who claim to have NEVER been penetrated, and then go on to declare that they will NEVER allow themselves to be penetrated. For me, YES, I allowed my Ex-Boyfriend to penetrate me, because I Loved him. There were no real boundaries in our relationship. Though Ive never allowed anyone else to get that close to me, and I dont particularly enjoy the feeling, I DO Believe that each of us has the ability to be SUBMISSIVE to a man who we TRULY Love. I think its almost necessary in order to determine, which role is PREFERED. Though I have a Strong, fairly Aggressive personality, I DO BELIEVE that IF I fell 'In-Love' again, at some point in my life, I WOULD be Open to the idea of being Submissive to my man. In return, even IF he was an Old School 'STRICT-TOP', I do Xpect that he WOULD allow me to do MORE with his ASS than to simply grab hold of it during intercourse.

I have Friends who entered their relationships as 'The Bottom', and naturally, over time, wanted to Explore OTHER territory. Their man wont allow them to Eat His Ass or anything that even comes Close. For Me, I could NEVER be in a relationship with a Man who would NOT allow me to Eat His Ass. Its my FAVORITE treat. Id prefer that over ANYTHING else, sexually. Seriously. I can MUNCH for HOURS...Well, for an Hour.

Im AFRAID that the Men in our community who are declaring 'STRICT TOP' Status, are the ones who Privately THINK that they are PRIZED because their Ass/Hole has never been Touched. Its So RIDICULOUS how WE, GAY Men, place Titles and Labels on Every Damn Thing we Say, Do, Wear, Touch, See, Smell, Hear and Know...

Do You THINK and/or FEEL that BOTTOMS in our community or even the Label, 'BOTTOM' is Inferior in comparison to TOPS or the Label 'TOP'?

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]