Why Does 1 Year seem like 10 in Gay Relationships?
'We've been Together for a Year.
Even though Im Sick of His Shit, I Love Him til Death'
"The minute you SETTLE for less than you deserve
you get even less than you SETTLE for"
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He Sits Home ALL Day on My Computer, while Im at Work.
I Let Him Drive My Car, even though He Picks Me Up Late.
...He NEVER Has Money to Fill Up the Gas Tank.
He does Not Cook or Clean the House while He's Home.
Oh, Yea...I Let Him Move In with Me by Month 3 of Us Being Together.
...He had NoWhere else to Go.
We Fight All of the Time. I Dont Want to Press Charges.
I Found him on Black Gay Chat and/or Adam4Adam.
He uses My WebCam while Im Asleep.
I Pay his Cell Phone Bill, Car Note and Insurance.
He's Very Affectionate, so I Know He DOES Love Me...RIGHT?
I DONT KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO.
I cant even begin to explain how often I hear these SAME, Pathetic Lines from MANY of my Brothas across the country. Most recently, I ran into my Ex-Boyfriend here in Los Angeles. He's the same Ex-Boyfriend I was involved with for Four years in Baltimore, between 2001 and 2005. As he and I have begun to build a Friendship, void of past hurt and previous pains, he has become 'Comfortable' sharing the details of his current relationship with Me. I listen, in support of his woes, ESPECIALLY because he doesnt have many friends here in California. He has always been an emotional Mess who depends upon the comforts and confines of a relationship, to solidify his levels of Peace and Happiness. I Love Him Dearly and think that he is an extremely Talented, Attractive and Nurturing individual. I just DONT seem to UNDERSTAND how in three years, he has only managed to 'Fall-in-Love' with dudes who Dont Work, Dont Go to School, Dont have Transportation, a Place to Live, and yet, have Criminal Backgrounds, and Little to Nothing, OVERALL, to bring to the Table...
People ask Me just about DAILY, Why I am 'Still-Single'. I quickly tell them ALL that at this point in my life, as I am in pursuit of fulfilling ALL of my career goals and aspirations, I am NOT going to ruin the sanctity of my Peace, by jumping head-first into a relationship, with a Dude whose 'Drama' is only going to disturb my Focus. Ive come too far, Mentally, Spiritually and Emotionally, in the past three years, to simply fall off path, NOW. IF I am going to Call Someone my Boyfriend, Lover, Man or Husband, he is going to HAVE to fill that Role to its Maximum Capacity.
Im NOT putting up with the BullShit that MANY of My Brothas CHOOSE TO.
My Ex-Boyfriend is dating a young man who is 25 years old. They met a year ago, here in Los Angeles. Lets call the Dude, EUGENE. EUGENE has a Firey Temper, that even his Best Friends WARNED my Ex about, within the first few weeks of them dating. Eugene and my Ex have been in SEVERAL Physical Altercations over the past Year, to the point of Police being called. Eugene does NOT have a job, and has not worked the ENTIRE time he and my Ex have been together. He DOES, however, take classes at a local Beauty School, so My ex tells Me. Eugene does NOT drive, has commited some level of Murder/Assault in the past, and LIED to My Ex in the very beginning, regarding his 'Have Status'. A 'Have Status', meaning, his Credentials.
Once he found out that My Ex is a Graphic Designer/Photographer, he LIED about his Career, Car, Apartment and Education Level. My Ex was VULNERABLE and Tired of being 'ALONE' here in California. Since Eugene fit the 'Short, Lite-Skin, PrettyBoy' prototype that attracts My Ex to any boy standing, Eugene was able to STICK AROUND, in spite of his Lies and Xaggerated Tales.
It's a Year Later. When my Ex and I were hanging out two weeks ago, he and Eugene were 'Broken-Up'. Eugene had packed his bags, hopped on an airplane, and went to visit family on the East Coast. Apparently, Eugene breaks up with My Ex once a month, for situations that include, My Ex not being able to answer the phone to talk to him while he's at work. Eugene will get pissed off if My Ex does not stay on the phone with him while My Ex is Home in Baltimore, around his Family or Friends, visiting. Eugene wants to Fight if My Ex questions him about his phone, Though, Eugene goes through My Ex's Text Messages and Voicemails, Daily. Yea...Like, Totally UnHealthy and Ridiculous, Right? My Ex recently bought a New Car, and Eugene was HEATED because he did not have a say in what Type of car My Ex purchased.
I REPEAT: Eugene does NOT Work or Contribute Financially to the Relationship, at all.
I Know My Ex is a Loving, Gentile Individual whose weakness is being able to be ALONE, without feeling LONELY. However, it TRULY Bothers Me to see him SETTLE for far LESS than he DESERVES. It IRRITATES ME to the High Heavens to watch ALL of My Brothas SETTLE for these Young, Misguided, Young Men who bring NOTHING to the table, aside from their Selfish Antics, Insecurities, Lies, Deception and Violent, Child-like Angst.
WHY are so MANY of YOU putting Up with it? I CANT, for the Life of Me, UNDERSTAND WHY yall arent just Dating One Another. WHY NOT Date on your Same Age and Maturity Level?
For Me, I DONT PERSONALLY CARE If a Dude has a Car or a Lot of Money.
HOWEVER, he SHOULD be able to buy ALL of his basic necessities (Deoderant, Soap, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Underwear), as well as be able to treat ME to dinner, skating, a drink, etc. every so often. IF he is in school, FULL-TIME, I Can Excuse him not having money, even though when I was in college, I saved my money, and didnt have to ask My Ex for ANYTHING...EVER.
IF You are waking up, EVERYDAY at 6am/7am, leaving out of the house to make a living, Your 'MAN'/House-Boy/BoyFriend, should be doing the SAME. IF He is NOT Working Full-Time, he NEEDS to be enrolled in some type of Training or Certification course. College Sucks Balls, and I HATED every day of the Six Years I spent going. College does not work out for everyone, BUT...Your 'Boo' should be receiving Classroom Skills, of some form, in some area of Interest.
ADULT MEN, in 90%-100% Health, should NOT be sitting home on the Computer All Day, ESPECIALLY when 50% of those hours arent being spent on Career Builders, CraigsList, and the other Job Search WebSites.
STOP giving your 'Boo' the PRIVILEGE of Driving YOUR Car while You're at Work. WHEN he CRASHES your ride, You already KNOW that he does NOT have the Money or Insurance coverage to pay for damages. Furthemore, he has NO Money to put GAS in your car, after he has Ripped and Run your Full-Tank to Empty by the End of the Day. YOU are the one having to pay all of his Speeding and Parking Tickets, for he could care LESS about your Car or your OTHER financial repsonsibilities.
...and IF his Ass was paying his Cell Phone Bill BEFORE He Met You, he can STILL pay the Fuckin Bill Now that Yall are Together. STOP feeling GUILTY and SCARED that you 'Wont Be Able to Contact Him' if his phone gets Cut-Off. TRUST ME...He is NOT going to allow himself to be 'Cut-Off' from being able to contact his Girlfriends via Phone and/or Text Message. The Bill Will be Paid WITHOUT Your Assistance...if NOTHING ELSE.
What tends to happen in Our Relationships, is a Detrimental Pattern of Weakness. However the ways in which the first 3 Months of a relationship is framed, pretty much dictates how the remainder of the relationship is going to foster. IF the grounds are shaky and faulty between month One and month Three; The HoneyMoon Period, I PROMISE YOU that the ENTIRE relationship is going to be Shaky as Well. NO...Things are NOT going to Change or Get Better once you start allowing your man to take Full-Advantage of You. Things NEVER Change or Get Better.
IF YOU ALLOW A MAN TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER IN THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP, HE WILL CONTINUE TO COMMIT THE CRIME THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
There is No Chance of Change or ReDirection, ESPECIALLY in GAY Relationships. PERIOD.
'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]
'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]
'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]
'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]
