Out of My Element... [A Lil Anxious}

Its a Sunday morning, at 10:10am, here in Los Angeles, California.
I woke up maybe 45 minutes ago, and put some more Sun Burn Gel on my skin. My Cousin, Caprisa, suggested that I go to WalGreens or Target last night to purchase some anti-burn gel, with Aloe Vera in it. If you can IMAGINE how Terrible my body looks and feels, after I fell asleep at the damn pool yesterday, scorching underneath an 86degree sun, for 3 Hours. I had taken 2 Benadryl for my allergies, so lounging on the brown, deck chairs, listening to Vivian Green and Classic, New Edition tracks, forced me into a coma, of sorts.

Though I'll FINALLY get rid of the 3-tone pigment-scape that almost made me HATE taking my shirt off in daylight, Im still going to have to endure this burning pain for the next few days. It's irritating. It's annoying. It's Very UnAttractive. I am Literally ORANGE...Moreso than Usual.

Meanwhile, I cant help but to feel extremely frustrated, and a bit anxious at this point in time. Im battling with being here in Los Angeles; a stomping ground toward my professional, writing career, and these feelings and existence of instability. For the past three-four years, I have pretty much had my own car, my own place, my own money, my own, overall, independence. I am so very blessed to have Kiva in my life now, who has extended her place to me, until Im prepared to move into my own apartment, here in North Hollywood. HOWEVER, somehow, I still feel Uncomfortable. Kiva does EVERYTHING to make this relocation experience, more than cozy and inviting for me. I simply feel a sense of being out-of-control; for 1/2 of my belongings are here in Kiva's living room, as the other 1/2 are still packaged in my car. There's honestly NO POINT in me bringing my other belongings into Kiva's place, for the majority of it includes Winter clothes, my stereo, television, computer, bathroom decore from Maryland, and other non-essentials, at this moment in time. I dont want to complain and whine about my 'situation', for God opened this window of opportunity for me to have somewhere safe, clean and upscale of sorts, to rest my head. Im Thankful.

Just know that I am diagnosed with borderline means of OCD, so when situations in my life arent 100% organized, situated and structured, I tend to LOSE MY MIND!...I think this is what's plaguing my existence right NOW.

I was invited to dinner on Friday night. A friend of a friend, FRED, invited me to have dinner with him at this nice, lil restaurant called The Pink Pepper. Thursday morning, he asked me what type of food I liked, and I told him that I really enjoy Thai. As a result, he invited me to try this spot, located on North LaBrea, and I really ENJOYED it. Fred and I met for the first time, last Sunday night, a la, The Abbey. We didnt have the opportunity to actually talk and learn one another, for the music was blarring, I was dancing, he was drinking, and the overall environment was just so distracting.

Friday night was GREAT, however, because, he and I actually spent 3-hours, as the restaurant closed on us, [LP!], really sharing some of our interests, experiences and lil life stories. We had a great conversation about relationships, art, and our jobs working with children. Fred is planning a lil day trip for us to visit a Special Museum in Malibu; one that requires an appointment, nonetheless. Can u BELIEVE that?...an Appointment to walk through a Museum of Art. Interesting... Shit MUST be Visual Genius.

Accordingly, Ive been constantly sending my writing samples to various media positions that Ive found on MediaBistro.com, Craigslist, and other Job Posting sites. Though Im growing a bit anxious to begin my job, next Monday, the 23rd, I am HERE to WRITE. I am willing to do non-paid, freelance work for the next 6-7 months, as long as I know that the ultimate results lead to a Full-Time, paid position. Im going to continue my Therapeutic Behavioral Specialist position, long enough to purchase all NEW furniture, decore and appliances for my new place. Though Im an artist at Heart, I cant help the fact that I have grown accustomed to certain comfort levels in Life. I REFUSE to live out-of-my-car, or in an empty apartment, when Ive ALWAYS known what it is to sleep comfortably, most nights. I use to have that 'Starving-Artist' mentality, but I quickly grew out of it, as I got older and became more aware of balancing responsibility and passions. There IS room for BOTH.

So, Here I Stand, As I Am...still settling in. I CANT WAIT until Im actually in a position to Invite ALL of You out here to visit Me and to spend your Weekends with Me. I MISS EVERYONE, So MUCH! I didnt think Id feel this way...

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'~{Xem; August, 2007}~