Once upon a time, circa 2004, a very GOOD FRIEND of mine said, 'Xem, NEVER be SHOCKED by the things you see happen in our community; especially amongst the Men.'It took years of experience prior to that statement, along with the mounds of experiences, situations and circumstances that comprised 2005 and 2006, for me to TRULY reach this phase in my life. Im at a point where I am able to examine life from a third person point of view; void of the vindictive, angry angst that once upon a time saturated my energy and spirit. Within the past year or so, Ive had a buddy in my life who has been extremely sad, distraught and beside himself. In 2007, a young man who he once befriended as a 'younger brother' type, as well as a confidante, STABBED HIM IN THE BACK, by dating, sleeping with and eventually moving in with his Ex-Boyfriend.
DISGUSTING! DISRESPECTFUL! DISHONORABLE!
I get flack for my opinions regarding the 'RULES of FRIENDSHIP'. However, it has ALWAYS been one of my Essential Rules to NEVER date, flirt-with, kiss, sleep with or be in constant communication with the Former Date, Side-Piece, Slosh Partner or EX-BOYFRIEND of someone who I consider to be a Friend. In My Opinion, ANYONE who one of your FRIENDS has ever been intimately and/or romantically involved with, is OFF LIMITS TO ME; Plain and Simple. I have been propositioned by Ex-Boyfriends of current Friends. I have been propositioned by Ex-Dates and Ex-Slosh Whores of current Friends. I have even been propositioned by Dudes who met me YEARS ago, through people who Im No Longer Friends with. STILL, Regardless of Circumstances; HORNY, ALONE, LONGING or feeling 'VINDICTIVE'...I Do Not have the Right to TAKE ADVANTAGE of these 'Opportunities'.
It KILLS ME to see individuals jump, without second thought, into 'Relationships' with someone who use to actually SLEEP-WITH one of their 'Friends'. There are a LOT of Miserable and Pathetic people in this world, ESPECIALLY within the younger, Gay community. YES, I said it. Somehow, these individuals dont STOP to REALIZE that the SAME WAYS in which the Ex was so Grimy to approach you with their Cruel Intentions, is the SAME WAY in which they will eventually approach one of your friends with the same. BLESSINGS will not hail over a union that is created in Pain, Jealousy, Lies and Deceit. There will always be PROBLEMS in existence that the couple is unable to 'Work-Through'. The issues will always seem LARGER and more INTRICATE than other relationships, in due part to the rocky, underhanded foundation.
One can not build solid walls upon shaky grounds.
I have ALWAYS made it PERFECTLY CLEAR to EVERYONE in My Life, that ANYONE and EVERYONE who Ive once Dated or been Involved with, is OFF-LIMITS. It may seem a bit territorial or controling. However, I am a very respectful individual. Regardless of my desires to sometimes, 'Be Bad', as an adult, I make the Best Decision to remain LOYAL unto the sanctity of my Friendship.
Romantic Relationships will ALWAYS Fizzle. When those moments present themselves, I ALWAYS want to be able to lay my head comfortably upon a circle of Friends who Loves and Supports me, eternally.
NOTICE:
Most of the Time, MEN and WOMEN who Sleep-With, Hook Up-With, Date and Move In-With their Friends' Former Lovers, often times, has NEVER had Close Friends, and More than Likely, NEVER WILL.
8 comments:
I totally agree with what your sayin as a friend you shouldn't even considered being involved with a friends ex regardless the situation.
omg yet again you have written from a piece of my soul!..i am currently dealing with this issue with a friend of mine who i consider very close and i wasnt sure if it was just me who felt like i was in the wrong or if i should be angry when im in a situation with both people or anything that has to do with the two people..but thank you SOOO much for posting this cuz im gonna TELL EVERYBODY!
I totally agree. I've been on both sides of the fence, and its truly because of my age bracket... like it is so common that I never saw it as wrong until it happened to me. It is tacky, and as I have grown so have my friends and we have this thing that we call "the box"... in this box contains all of our ex's, random "hook-ups", and some people we may have just lusted for...and all of these people are off limits to our friends. But it seems to be the common thing to be "common" and to get passed around circles, especially in small towns that pretend to be big cities like Philly.
Yeah its fucked up. LMFAO@SLOSHY WHORE. I love it!!! Yeah its unfortunate how things turn out, trying to make a happy home with someone from a one night stand..Loyalty is so hard to come by these days.
Great Post Xem.
Not to discredit or shortchange your post, but I also noticed that this tends to happen in the straight community (HS/College age) as well, albeit to a lesser degree.
I personally think maturity has alot to do with why this goes on.
envy, treachery, and deceit are friends i can do without. good post-we all know who and what things are off limits. i totally agree with you X.
This is so true. I have never had intimate experiences with any of my friends' previous or current encounters, and every night I am glad that I can lay my head knowing that when I wake up I won't have drama to deal with. Though there have been several temptations and 'opportunities' I thank God that I was strong enough to not give in. It saddens me- even as I think of a friend who has done this- that people do this, and then brag about it like it's an accomplishment. Then when drama begins to unfold, these same people are afraid or upset that they must 'reap what they sow'. It's situations like this that further encourage me to remain celibate; because sometimes you think you can trust people, and then you find out they've been after him the whole time.
I'm totally WOWED (if there's such a word) by the way you think. You truly amaze me, in a good way.
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