I dont mind sharing the FACT that I am feeling a bit discouraged, unsuccessful and alone, at the moment. God has bestowed so MANY blessings upon me, so I dont like to complain and wallow in moments of misery and minute levels of despair. However, as the weather FINALLY begins to cool here in Los Angeles, California, I think that I am also beginning to LOSE some of my momentum and steam. Im not necessarily SAD, but I do feel a melancholic cloud, shadowing around me. I have spoken to one or two friends regarding the feelings, and as always, they continue to encourage me to forge forward, despite the obstacles, struggles and ultimate levels of sacrifice. Many of you are just NOW discovering me, over the past six months, so you dont have a clear idea as to all that I gave up, of sorts, in venturing here in pursuit of solidifying my future. I knew, as I embarked upon this journey, that times would become difficult and often times, unyielding in the Devil's attempt to steal my shine. I have reached a point where I am MORE than WILLING to accept the challenges. However, I am still HUMAN, and can't help but to long for the presense of my Family, as well as a sense of stability. EVERYONE is reminding me to be PATIENT, as I know in my heart that God orders ALL of our steps. Im just in a moment, I suppose, where the WAITING is becoming increasingly ANNOYING. I have NEVER had patience, and I guess that counts as one of my major shortcomings. I dont possess short or long-term patience. The problem/issue has improved drastically over the past three years; circa 2005 when I hit a 180 degree turn in my life. I just Wish sometimes we could ask God, 'WHEN?'...
I know that others endure hardships, anguish and tribulations that are far more stressful and unforgiving than those that are plaguing me now. I also know that God didnt bring me all of this way in Life, to simply close the doors upon me. Ill continue to WAIT in ANTICIPATION.
I know that others endure hardships, anguish and tribulations that are far more stressful and unforgiving than those that are plaguing me now. I also know that God didnt bring me all of this way in Life, to simply close the doors upon me. Ill continue to WAIT in ANTICIPATION.
Did I Mention that Im also READY to Finally FALL-IN-LOVE again?
Maybe 2009 will be filled with all of the Goodies that Ive been Sacrificing and Working So Hard to attain.
5 comments:
I know wot u mean bout DARK CLOUDS...I guess all you can do is watch them leave as better comes rolling on in
Awwwwwww Xemy, U will do good, i have faith in you, that u will take care man!
All in due time my brotha. Keep pushing man. I know how it feels to be away from love ones. Hang strong Xem. I'm hoping good things in 2009 myself. I'm waiting just like u.
Awww Xem. Trust me all good things come to those who wait. U will be fine. And u know u can always hit ur friends up from Maryland for support and comfort. We love & got ur back. So chill out and be patient. ;)
Awwl Xem, I definitely feel what you are saying. Today was a very very rainy day in B*more. Its funny how the weather will bring forth emotions... I guess cause i've found that it is fun to be single in the summer. But winter its colder..and you're inside a lot more, so it is nice to have someone to be "inside" with. Being single right now, is strangely taking a toll on me... but since there seems to be no one around who "gets it", I think it is for the best that I be "alone". What works for me though is to surround myself with positive things and keep my time occupied, even it is just doing something with/by myself. By doing such, I have less time to think about the things that make me unhappy. Keep your head up Xem, you're too special not to :).
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