When 'LOVE' is NO Longer ENOUGH

Too often, I am either on the direct receiving end, or eavesdropping on a conversation, where I am hearing someone say, '...but I CANT LEAVE because I still Love Him'...

In March of 2005, Shevonne gave me the BEST advice that a Lifelong Friend could EVER give. She had experienced my four year relationship, right along with me. She was present for every Bright and Dark moment that shadowed 2001-2005 for Me and My Ex. Shevonne looked at me one day, and simply said...

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE IN-LOVE WITH SOMEONE,

DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE WITH THAT SOMEONE

To this very day, I HAIL that line as one of the most PROLIFIC statements that has ever had a direct effect on my life, and a very poignant decision I had to make; to FINALLY END a long-term relationship that had already Crossed the Line of being UnHealthy.

During that phase of my life, I did not KNOW or UNDERSTAND the lines that suggest one is traveling along the road of an UnHealthy Union. In My mind, as intelligent as I can be about certain topics and issues, I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT that because my EMOTIONS were wrapped up in this Dude, it also meant that I was suppose to keep living, confined in the relationship. HELL NO Ladies and Gentlemen.

SURE...It becomes HARD as HELL to live everyday without knowing that you are going to see him, hear from him, lay with him and play with him. HOWEVER, the Ultimate level of TRUTH for any of us, is the fact in knowing that PEACE OF MIND rests within. Theres NOTHING like being able to wake in the morning and KNOW....

1. No One is going to be Crying on the Opposite end of My Phone just because I decided to spend time with My friends for the First Time in 3 months, and did Not invite Him to come along.

1a. No One is going to show up at my front door, threatening me IF I dont open it. No More 911 calls to have him removed from the Property.

2. When I write my checks for this months Bills, I do NOT have to remember to get his checkbook and his monthly statements, to write, seal and mail his too.

3. After Ive had a LONG week in class and at work, and all I want to do is go out, have a cocktail and dance, I do NOT have to spend my night justifying WHY some other Dude(s) were staring at me on the dance floor.

4. When I am sleepy, and dont feel like having our Friday Night Date, I no longer HAVE to fake flu symptoms, just to avoid an argument or being called selfish, for missing one night out of 1,817 others.

5. Everytime my phone rings and I answer it to have a brief conversation, no one is going to question me as to Who I was talking to, and then, attempt to snatch my phone, just to see IF I am telling the Truth.

6. On Valentines Day, No one is going to be Crying and Sulking, just because I didnt plan a 3-day weekend to the mountains, for skiing, sledding, and stomach turning 'Romance'. UGH~

7. No More having to hold the phone up to my ear for 3 hours, until he falls asleep, because he CANT rest easy without 'feeling as if Im right there' [Dead Serious]

8. I will No longer find Hotel Receipts, Photos, MapQuest Directions and other Paraphanalia from interactions that took place between Him and Other Random Dudes during the WEEK or TWO that we were having problems, and I didnt feel like Talking about them Anymore.

9. When I decide to go to a Club, once every 3 months with my male friends, I wont be called a Slut and a Whore, or cried to about, 'Leaving Me for Someone I Met on the Dance Floor'

10. I HAVE THE PEACE OF MIND in knowing that I Can Say and Do Whatever I WANT to do, and I DONT Owe an Explanation to ANYONE, other than God, and POSSIBLY, My Mother...

PLEASE DO NOT Remain in an Unhealthy relationship JUST BECAUSE you still 'Have Feelings'. In life, none of us has the power to control our feelings or emotions. However, we DO control how we behave as a result of those feelings and emotions. LOGIC FIRST when dealing with matters of the Heart. You can NOT allow your emotions to DICTATE the decisions you make in regards to ANY relationship in your life. Otherwise, Mr. Stupid Decision ALWAYS Wins.

When POLICE have been called, You've been made to feel Guilty for Wanting to spend time with People OUTSIDE the confines of your relationship, Your Email and Cell Phone are being HACKED into...in Search of Exhibit A or B, and you're being constantly ACCUSED of 'Doing Things' that you've NEVER Done...its TIME to Hit It.

When HE has children on the way, or is STILL dating Other Men or Women after 3 months, its TIME to Hit it.

IF YOU KNOW that he has a WIFE, HUSBAND, GIRLFRIEND, BOYFRIEND or ' SPECIAL FRIEND', and has been telling you for MONTHS that he is 'Leaving Soon'...its TIME to Hit it.

When You CANT ENJOY the Life you knew BEFORE Him, because he holds you hostage from it, or Wont make the attempts to Explore it with you, DESPITE how Supportive you are of his Passions, its TIME to Hit it.

If His Ass does NOT help Wash, Scrub, Cook, Vacuum, Wipe Down, Sweep, Polish or Rinse ANYTHING in or around the place yall share or the cars yall drive...Yeah...Umm...its TIME to Hit it.

DO NOT REMAIN IN THE CONFINES OF ANY RELATIONSHIP 'Just Because' the LOVE is Still There

IF You have EVER TRULY LOVED another Human Being, PLEASE KNOW that the Love is NEVER going to Fade Completely, for IF it does, or IF it has, You NEVER, TRULY Loved that Individual.

It is OKAY to LEAVE...

Tell Him that XEM Says So.

'Creation is Representation' [Xem; August 2008]

'Knowledge and Artistry ABOVE My own VANITY' [Xem; July 2008]

'Im Drenched in Love and Showered by Support'[Xem; April 2008]

'Life Without Photographs are Moments that Never Happened'[Xem; August, 2007]