A Cup of Opportunity. The Juice of Determination.

GAS for $4.67 a Gallon.
Bumper-2-Bumper traffic that seems to turn every 20 minute trip into a 2 hour excursion.
Improv Theaters and Independent PlayHouses on every corner of North HollyWood.
Fred Segal and John Varvatos Shops sanctioned between quainte, Ice Cream Parlors and chic, outdoor Cafe's; alongside every Boulevard that creates West HollyWood.
Daily weather of 82Degrees with No humidity, and Nightfalls that are warm enough to define summer, and yet cool enough to remember spring.
Dudes adorning Black Shades, Sports Coats and carrying Business Cards that label them as the CEO of their own 'Entertainment Company'; for everyone has a few in their wallets.
Middle aged women, driving their SUV's, in 6 inch, Designer heels, carrying Balenciaga bags in one hand, and a Starbucks cup filled with Espresso, in the other.

This is LA; the stomping grounds of young artistry, aesthetic dreams and the dark realities of homeless teenagers living in dangerous parks; a clear, physical division of our socioeconomic structure.


Though My Journey began 240 Hours ago, I have Technically only been here in Los Angeles for a total of SIX days now. Many of you didnt know that at the last minute, last Saturday, May 31, 2008, I CANCELED my flight, as well as my car shipping service with Nationwide Auto. I opted to drive across country instead. YES!

My ENTIRE family insisted upon me asking one of my Friends to travel the distance with me, but I was determined to begin this journey in my life, Free and By Myself; giving me the time and space I needed to place into perspective, all of my new Hopes, Plans, Ideas and Long Term Goals. So, with the soundtrack of my life blasting from the speakers, composed of everything from Lenny Kravitz', 'It Aint Over til its Over', to Madonna's, 'BorderLine', I made the Free.ing journey from one coast to the other.

I had my entire car maintenanced before I left Baltimore, with a Transmission flush, an oil change, brake inspection, new tires; the works. I was determined that I was NOT going to leave 50% of my belongings in Baltimore, just to be able to accomodate the silly rules and regulations that have been created by the air transportation system, here in the United States. I packed my lil 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt to its maximum capacity, with my clothes, shoes, television, stereo, VCR, DVD player computer, camera, cologne, towels, wash cloths, bathroom decore and other lil accents from my Owings Mills apartment. With the grace of God, along with prayers from my entire family, associates and lifelong friend circle, I made it to Los Angeles in 3 days; only having to stop twice, as to rest. Believe it or Not, driving across the country was one of the most invigorating experiences of my life! I took a lot of Photos and Video Footage of the excursion. Im going to edit it all into a mini-movie; complete with titles, graphics and other post production specialties. I'm going to share the experience with ALL of you, by posting the movie here at EMERALD EYE ENTERTAINMENT, as well as on My MySpace page.

Meanwhile, I arrived to a downtown, LA apartment that was in substandard condition; Unacceptable to my taste. The floors were tattered, the air conditioning was non-existent, the landlord wanted me to rent the refrigerator, and the tub was filled with Gook and Grime. The photos that were sent to me online, prior to my move, along with the attached ammenities that were promised with the apartment, did NOT measure up to my expectations, to say the least. Literally, I had to LAUGH at the possibility of spending the next 6 months to a year of my life, held up in what could have been described as the last minute set for a cheap motel scene, in my first film. I became extremely FRUSTRATED and OVERWHELMED. However, I knew that since God had allowed me to arrive to California, from Baltimore, with NO Problems, Accidents, or Break-Downs, he was also going to make me struggle a bit; proving that I have what it takes to survive Los Angeles.

After spending an ENTIRE day, riding around Downtown, Los Angeles, searching for a more acceptable spot to call home, I decided to escape. What MANY of you are learning about me, is that I command a certain level of ALONE, 'down-time' and peace. I cant be bombarded with a lot of chaos, confusion, and people, for hours upon hours, without moments of solace. As a result, I decided to rejuvinate my body with a beverage. I was beginning to feel exhausted, for the stress and anguish hadn't allowed my body to feel a strong sense of thirst or hunger, for hours. Heading towards 7'11, across the street from a VALERO Gas Station, where I filled my tank to its Capacity, I met HUNTER and KEVIN. Hunter and Kevin are two, young actors, who met on the streets of West Hollywood. They both moved to Los Angeles, two years ago; escaping the confines of their families expectations, as to pursue Silver-Screen careers in the industry. Standing outside of the 7'11, asking strangers to spare change, I had to stop and ask the two of them WHY, at such a young age, were they homeless. Intrigued by their stories of being actors who had to work part-time, in order to make casting calls a minimum of 3 days per week, I began to share with them how I had been in LA for a matter of hours; all in hopes of creating a professional, writing career for myself. We exchanged numbers, before I ran to the corner of 7'11 to piss, and before they ran to the corner to jump into the oldsmobile of a friend who honked for their attention.

As I zippened my pants, walked towards my car, and sat in my drivers seat, practically swallowed by the bags, blankets and empty water bottles that crowded my car, I had to thank God. Here I was, feeling stressed and overhwhelmed by a situation that still, he was in control of. While I thought my situation was the worst of all time, God sent me to that 7'11 to meet Hunter and Kevin as a reminder that even when times seem tough for me, someone else in the world is dealing with even tougher situations and circumstances. We are all in route to fulfilling a destiny, and for those of us who have chosen an abnormal path to follow, the struggle is a little more strenuous. I accept it.

So, I put my key in the ignition, and drove off; headed towards the highway. I wanted to get as far away from the city as possible. I had NO idea where I was traveling to, but I knew that I needed some quiet time. Both of my phones had died, and I could no longer send or receive text messages from my family, who were all still checking on me every few hours.

After nearly being rundown by two, speeding motorcycles and a Uhaul moving truck, I found a sign that pointed to the direction of the Santa Monica beach. PERFECT! I followed the exits, as the sun began to set, and found my way to a pier parking arena. I squeezed my lil cobalt into a rear parking space, behind a community of Villas and Cabanas, and immediately took off my shoes and socks. Stepping out of the car, and into my first moment of calm, the entire day, I actually felt comfortable. I felt no worries. I wasnt thinking about finding another place to live. I wasnt thinking about the fact that I hadnt eaten all day. I was HAPPY to have found a place where I could open my mind to the possibility of continuing my life in a place that would provide a cup of opportunity, for me to pour all of my creative juices. I was HERE in LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA...

Walking along Santa Monica beach for the first time in my life, surrounded by the soothing sounds of the ocean splashing along the shore, and couples cuddling upon the sands, I knew that I was going to be okay.

The next few days felt promising. I spent the night in a Holiday Inn Hotel, which gave me an opportunity to charge my phones, rest, shave and shower away any lasting feelings of failure or discomfort. I received a call from Shannon, almost immediately after I had awakened. I was shaving when the call came through, so I didnt initially hear it. I ALWAYS keep my phones on vibrate, for I Cant Stand the sound of a ringing phone. Under most circumstances, I only ever text once Ive missed a call. However, during my journey from Baltimore to California, I promised myself that I was going to spend more of my time, making actual phone calls. Talking to Shannon that morning, one of my best friends for the past 22 years, I felt so safe, supported and rejuvinated. I stopped being so prideful, and followed Shannon's advice. I had quite a few contacts here in los Angeles, as far as Friends of Friends who were willing to help me. I knew that I could not, successfully, make this transition alone. Putting everything into plan, I asked the hotel's front desk attendant for a late check-out. Though he couldnt grant the late check-out, for the hotel was booked, and all of the rooms needed to be cleaned for the 3pm Check-Ins, I rushed to complete my daily, morning routine. Putting on my favorite, army fatigue, cargo pants, a white t-shirt, brown flip flops, and my favorite, brown, American Eagle, rope necklace, I collected all of my belongings and headed towards the underground parking lot of the hotel. At this point, every weight that had been sitting on my shoulders, was lifted. I still didnt know where I was going to live or stay, but it no longer mattered. I packaged my things back into my car, went to the front desk to check out, grabbed some apple juice and a bagel from the complimetary breakfast platter, and hit it.

Riding back down Santa Monica Boulevard, with the sun beaming onto my dusty car, peering through my disgusting windows that had been smeared with bug guts from my East2West Coast Road Trip, I headed back towards the beach. I found Everyones phone number that had been given to me before I left Baltimore, and I decided to finally ask for help. Chrissy had given me Kiva's phone number, as Kiva and I had been talking and communicating on MySpace for weeks prior to my move. Kiva lives in the NoHo Arts District of North hollyWood, and had offered to allow me to stay with her, BEFORE I had even begun my apartment search or booked my airplane ticket. I didnt know how serious she was in regards to the offer, but her Friendship and Promise was proven when she automatically, without hesitation, said, 'Of Course You can stay with me Xem! I expected you to come here when you first arrived.' This was All Gods work. The night before, GOD told me to STOP worrying. He told me to rest my thoughts, let go of the wheel for a lil while, and to allow him to steer me. Im NOT Making this Up. My Faith in God has increased drastically over the past 2 years, so I knew that by following his call, I was making the best decision.

Ive been here at Kiva's BEAUTIFUL apartment, ever since, and she has done nothing but make this transition as easy and progressive, and as comfortable, as possible. It feels WONDERFUL. Its a BIG deal when someone opens their home and invites others in to live. I know how Wonderful it feels to have my own space and my own sense of physical peace. To allow someone else to come in and share in that, isnt an easy decision to make. I am here, temporarily, until I can either find an apartment in this complex thats affordable and available for me to move into, or an apartment in these surrounding areas that makes me feel comfortable. I LOVE North HollyWood; for it reminds me of the Towson and Owings Mills areas of Baltimore. The Only other area that, as of right now, I would consider moving into, is Santa Monica. Kiva wants me to see Pasadena, Burbank, Culver City and other lil areas of Los Angeles before making a final decision.

I have NOT begun my job, as of yet. My start date has been pushed back, for Faye(My Boss), wants me to begin at the new, North Hollywood offices. Shes taking me to lunch this week to layout a few details of my new position. In the meantime, I have been submitting my artist resume and writing samples to various, freelance, writing jobs. I become very anxious and antsy when Im not being creative or productive. The results of that anxious behavior have often led to me making random, semi-regretful decisions. So, instead, Im going to continue to pray, walk around, as to become use to my surroundings, and network with other goal oriented individuals. I have maintained very regular conversation with those who truly Love and Care for me, so I never feel Lonely, or even Alone.

I DO MISS MY MOTHER...for I can tell that She and I arent near one another. We didnt see one another on a daily basis while I was in Baltimore. However, I can TRULY tell that we arent in the same physical environment. Its Weird to Xplain...She feels the Xact SAME.

Meanwhile, I made my DEBUT on the Los Angeles Circuit last night. I attended the Infamous, 'ABBEY' NightSpot, located in West HollyWood. Ive been to just about every Major Gay Bar and Club on the East Coast between 2001 and 2007. So...partying alongside the Gays of Los Angeles wasnt the slightest bit New or Unfamiliar. The territory felt the same as anywhere else Ive danced and sipped cocktails, listening to the BoomBastic rhythms and sounds of Britney, BeYonce and Justin, remixed underneath Techno and House beats. I met quite a few young men, who all had some type of business card that they wanted to shove in my hand. LMAO* I havent had the opportunity to call any of them, as of yet, but I definitely intend to. Im VERY HUNGRY right now, and Im hoping that one of them will invite me to lunch. LOL*

By The Way...

I Finally had the Privelege of meeting LoveBScott last night. He was standing on one of the stages, in front of the outside bars, sipping a cocktail, as I stepped out of the inside area of 'The Abbey' to catch a breath of Fresh Freakn Air. We made eye contact, and he started smiling. I stepped up on stage with him, and we talked for a good 10 minutes about his Website, my Website, and the Demons that exist in Hollywood. I asked him WHY he didnt make his scheduled appearances at either Miami or DC Pride, and he explained to me just how unprofessional and disorganized a lot of the Pride Event Staffers and Promoters, truly are. Like me, LoveBScott dont put up with No BullShit!

This is My Life in Los Angeles, thus far, a Creative Journey towards SuperStardom and Career Satisfaction. With Prayer, Love, Support and Determination in my Corner, it wont be long before Ive eased my way into the Center.